Canadian Politics Today

Beyond Politics => General Discussion => Topic started by: kimmy on April 04, 2020, 11:33:11 pm


Title: Cabin Fever Culture
Post by: kimmy on April 04, 2020, 11:33:11 pm


Brett arrived at the door of Dr Fairfield's laboratory.  The retina scan confirmed his identity, and the outer air-seal broke with a gentle hiss. He stepped into the airlock.  The outer door closed behind him, and fans began to whir.  After a moment the inner door opened. In the dim light of the heat lamps and medical equipment, he could see Dr Fairfield hunched over her microscope. Her long, auburn ponytail was splayed out across the back of her white lab coat, and her slim shoulders looked frail and defeated. She looked up as the airlock closed behind him, and she made a tight-lipped attempt at a smile. Brett could tell that things weren't going well.

“Status?” he asked as he walked through the lab, past the plexiglass mouse habitats. Inside, the little white mice were coughing and sniffling. Some of them were shivering, others were barely moving at all. Brett noticed more little crosses in the mouse graveyard, at least twice as many as he had seen just a couple of days earlier.  He did the numbers in his head... this wasn't linear growth. It was exponential.  The curve wasn't planking, or even flattening.

“They're all dying,”  Dr Fairfield said sadly, her slight southern accent coming out, as it did when she was stressed. “I'm sorry, Director Stryker. They're all dying.” She stood up and turned to face him. She seemed too young to be a real scientist, too young to bear such a heavy burden. The strain was etched on her face.  “How can I save the world if I can't even save my mice?”

“Annabelle, you're not in this alone,” he said, trying to reassure her. “The whole team is with you.  What can you tell me?”

“My new vaccine was fighting the virus,” she explained, “But then the mice started getting sicker. The vaccine is dangerous. The covidity is too high.  I'm synthesizing a  new batch with lower coronaticity.”

“No,” Brett told her. “I need you to increase the coronaticity! I need maximum coronaticity!”

“No, Director Stryker! It's too dangerous!” she protested. “The coronaticity is already near the safety limit!”

“This is a health emergency! This is no time for safety!” he told her. “We need maximum coronaticity to fight this damned virus!”

“Nobody has ever attempted maximum coronaticity before! We have no idea what the effects could be.”  She motioned toward the mouse graveyard. “If those were people instead of mice... if my vaccine starts killing people... I would never sleep again. I could never look at myself in the mirror...”

“People are already dying, Annabelle! We have to stop this fast! What other options can you give me?”

“I could use the mutex to evolve a strain of coronogens that have high coronaticity with lower covidity. It will be less dangerous for the patients.”

“That would take weeks! We don't have weeks!” he shouted at her, but he stopped himself. No matter how desperate the situation, yelling at her wouldn't make it better. He took a deep breath. “This situation is already at COVID-19, but it's only a matter of time before it reaches COVID-20 or even COVID-22. Do you know what happens if this reaches 22?”

“Millions-- billions-- could die,” she whispered. “Civilization collapses. It could be an extinction level event.”

“Exactly. Which is why we need to stop this now. Before it reaches 22. Before it reaches 20. We need that vaccine now. Increase the coronaticity. We're going live with the vaccine. No more mice. No clinical trials.”

“So if my vaccine doesn't kill the patients, the COVID is going to do it first. Gawd damnit, Brett!” Annabelle cursed, her southern accent fully exposed as she lost her composure. “You don't make this easy for me!”

“COVID Force isn't easy, Annabelle,” Brett told her. “COVID Force is hard. You told me you wanted it hard when I recruited you. If I didn't think you could handle it hard, I would have left you in Georgia making designer viruses to kill peach weevils. I thought you could do this. I thought you could handle the pressure. Did I pick the wrong scientist?”

“My work with the weevils was important!” she spat, fighting back tears.

“I know it was, but saving the human race is more important,” he told her. “COVID Force isn't all dinners with the President and interviews on FOX News. We have to do this. We have to stop this thing cold. We're out of time. So we need that vaccine now. Tonight.”

“But it's never been tested on people,” she told him. “We can't release the vaccine without testing it on human subjects. It's too dangerous.”

“I have a human test subject for you.”

“Who?” she asked. “Who would be dumb enough to risk their life on--”

Instead of a reply, he began rolling up his sleeve, revealing his muscular forearm. For a moment it looked like she might tell him it was too dangerous. But she must have known that arguing would not change his mind, that nothing could talk Brett Stryker out of putting his life on the line for the good of the nation.

“Alright,” she said after a moment. “Before we do this, I need a favor.”

“Of course,” he said. “What can I do for you, Dr Fairfield?”

“I want you to call me Belle,” she told him, removing her glasses.  She pulled the tie from her ponytail, letting her auburn hair spill free. “And I want you to penetrate me, like respiratory droplets penetrate a cloth mask.”

Without a word, he grabbed the collar of her lab coat and pulled it open, sending buttons flying.

. . . . .

“How is your new project coming along?” Sheikh Ahmed al-Shabbaz asked, his jovial face filling the monitor. Though we couldn't meet in person anymore, we could at least share a drink via Skype.

“It's amazing!” I exclaimed, unable to hide my excitement. “I think I finally have my best seller.”

“Excellent, excellent!” he replied. “I must ask... what about scientific accuracy? Have you done your research?”

“Absolutely!” I told him. “Everything is double-checked! In fact, I'm working with the same people who did the scientific consulting for CSI: Crime Scene Investigation! So you know it'll be the most accurate information.”

“Good, good, I would not want you to be spreading misinformation!”   He paused to take a sip of his drink.  “Well, I shan't keep you from your writing. Best wishes on your best seller!”

“Thank you!” I told him, hoisting my own drink toward the laptop.  “Take care, be safe out there!”

“And you as well, Kimberly,” he replied, raising his drink in reply.

A moment later he disappeared from the monitor. My chats with the Sheikh always boosted my spirits. I returned to my writing.

“As he pulled the lab coat over her shoulders and down her slender arms, Brett looked into Annabelle's-- Belle's-- sea green eyes, at the pale skin of her cheeks as she became flushed with excitement...”

 -k
Title: Re: Cabin Fever Culture
Post by: Michael Hardner on April 05, 2020, 03:36:56 pm
That relationship is inappropriate, therefore I shan't enjoy.

Before that, I liked the mouse crosses.
Title: Re: Cabin Fever Culture
Post by: kimmy on April 06, 2020, 11:03:56 am
That relationship is inappropriate, therefore I shan't enjoy.

"God damn it, Hardner! This is a pandemic! This is no time to play by the rules!" Stryker's voice blasted from the sat-phone, blowing Michael's hair back. I wonder who pissed in his cornflakes, Michael thought to himself.

I took a sip of my coffee, idly wondering if there was a way to work Agile Office Environment into COVID-Force.

 -k
Title: Re: Cabin Fever Culture
Post by: Michael Hardner on April 06, 2020, 11:53:50 am
This is your 'Stranger than Fiction'
Title: Re: Cabin Fever Culture
Post by: waldo on April 06, 2020, 01:12:03 pm
punyStryker is no match for the Branch Covidians!
Title: Re: Cabin Fever Culture
Post by: JBG on May 10, 2020, 07:02:31 pm
punyStryker is no match for the Branch Covidians!
I'll remember that nickname.
Title: Re: Cabin Fever Culture
Post by: Michael Hardner on May 22, 2020, 04:43:46 am
TWO couples dropped by, separately, to hang for a bit at distance.  That felt great.  Easy kept trying to get near 'em though  ;D
Title: Re: Cabin Fever Culture
Post by: kimmy on May 24, 2020, 03:08:18 pm
FINALLY !  SOMEONE LET ME OUT OF MY CAGE !

(https://i.imgur.com/4IyzDNE.jpg)

GETTING OUT AND FEELING HAPPY IS THE LATEST RAGE !

 -k
Title: Re: Cabin Fever Culture
Post by: Michael Hardner on May 24, 2020, 03:16:34 pm
We visited my brother and his mate at safe distance yesterday.  Easy doesn't really know them and kept bugging us to leave.  By crying.

But it felt good.  Also being in the backyard with no noises, no planes in the air, only the sounds of neighbour families ... feels like a cottage.
Title: Re: Cabin Fever Culture
Post by: Squidward von Squidderson on May 24, 2020, 03:23:40 pm
I get out all the time.  Not sure what the problem is. My spouse and I are always at the beach...  we dig clams...  we go fishing...  the difference is, I'm not doing those things with my buddies and same with her.

I don't socialize with friends nearly as much...   and by not much, I mean nearly never.  I go for walks with a disabled friend, who gets out and is less risk than I am even.  We stay at a social distance as much as possible, but that's not always perfect because she needs help with housework, groceries, etc.  Plus, she's probably at higher risk due to her conditions.  Which is why I have taken very few risks by being around other people and take the necessary precautions.  I've been to the grocery store, and that's it, with all the precautions necessary.

It's the least I can do for my fellow citizens. 

So stop f'kn whining...  the shut downs and precautions in BC have been very minimal compared to many places.  And yet the whining persists.
Title: Re: Cabin Fever Culture
Post by: kimmy on May 24, 2020, 03:37:36 pm
I'm not whining, I'm celebrating!

 -k
Title: Re: Cabin Fever Culture
Post by: Queefer Sutherland on June 03, 2020, 11:47:34 pm
I haven't seen a female nipple in-person in about 3 weeks.   ???
Title: Re: Cabin Fever Culture
Post by: Michael Hardner on June 04, 2020, 07:01:01 am
Explain?
Title: Re: Cabin Fever Culture
Post by: Squidward von Squidderson on June 04, 2020, 02:37:43 pm
Explain?

His mom went on holidays.
Title: Re: Cabin Fever Culture
Post by: Michael Hardner on June 04, 2020, 03:22:31 pm
His mom went on holidays.

(https://handsintheworld.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/felix-the-cat-passe-dout.jpg)
Title: Re: Cabin Fever Culture
Post by: Queefer Sutherland on June 04, 2020, 06:08:16 pm
Explain?

squid's mom went on holidays.
Title: Re: Cabin Fever Culture
Post by: Michael Hardner on June 04, 2020, 06:22:48 pm
squid's mom went on holidays.



From the National Post

Quote
New Brunswick and Newfoundland recently introduced new directives that would allow one household to visit and socialize with another separate household — and no others — in a “bubble” system.

Ontario and Quebec, meanwhile, still advise no contact outside of your own household.

Ontario Minister of Health Christine Elliott said in a press conference Thursday the province was “studying” a bubble option but a decision had not been made.

“We know that’s one of the things that’s most important to people, that they do want to be able to see their friends and family,” Elliott said. “And we are doing a lot of work at the command table in health on this particular issue.”
Title: Re: Cabin Fever Culture
Post by: Michael Hardner on June 04, 2020, 06:23:30 pm
So where do you and she live?

Ie which province?
Title: Re: Cabin Fever Culture
Post by: Queefer Sutherland on June 04, 2020, 06:51:25 pm
So where do you and she live?

Ie which province?

Sloppy Blowjob, British Columbia.
Title: Re: Cabin Fever Culture
Post by: Michael Hardner on June 05, 2020, 04:59:17 am
Sloppy Blowjob, British Columbia.

OMG what an awful name for a town!
Title: Re: Cabin Fever Culture
Post by: Michael Hardner on June 05, 2020, 08:25:42 am
To be honest, I am very surprised that they haven't changed it !!!  ???

With regards to squid's mom, the BC health officer says:

Quote
With British Columbians getting the go-ahead to expand their social “bubbles,” Henry asked that people continue to keep their social circles small and their visits shorter, and outside where possible. She also advised people to avoid sharing food or drink, and continue to sit apart.

So you and squid's mom should avoid others, and continue to sit apart during your visits.  Stay SAFE !
Title: Re: Cabin Fever Culture
Post by: kimmy on June 07, 2020, 12:15:48 pm
I get out all the time.  Not sure what the problem is. My spouse and I are always at the beach...  we dig clams...  we go fishing...  the difference is, I'm not doing those things with my buddies and same with her.

I don't socialize with friends nearly as much...   and by not much, I mean nearly never.  I go for walks with a disabled friend, who gets out and is less risk than I am even.  We stay at a social distance as much as possible, but that's not always perfect because she needs help with housework, groceries, etc.  Plus, she's probably at higher risk due to her conditions.  Which is why I have taken very few risks by being around other people and take the necessary precautions.  I've been to the grocery store, and that's it, with all the precautions necessary.

It's the least I can do for my fellow citizens. 

So stop f'kn whining...  the shut downs and precautions in BC have been very minimal compared to many places.  And yet the whining persists.


I feel like I didn't give this dumb comment the attention it deserves.   It seems like some of you genuinely don't understand that isolation has been extremely difficult for others.  "I'm happy, I go dig for clams! Why don't people just go dig for clams and quit whining?"  People are not all the same.  I suppose that some shut-ins and keyboard warriors here haven't been impacted at all by isolation, but for most people that's not the case. Most people have been cut off from things that are important to them.

Personally I couldn't care less about church, but I can understand that for many people it's a big part of their lives and that being cut off from it has been very painful.  People have been cut off from their friends,  from dating and socializing, from their sports activities, their classmates, their weekly bridge game or stitch-and-**** gatherings, their coffee groups, and all kinds of other little things that make life worth living.  The idea that people can just dig for clams and be happy while they're cut off from people and activities that are important in their lives is just ignorant. It demonstrates a disturbing lack of empathy.

For me, the phase two reopening in BC has felt like a weight being lifted off me. I've seen friends I hadn't seen for 2 months. Being able to reconnect with people and just see that they're okay has meant a lot.

 -k
Title: Re: Cabin Fever Culture
Post by: Michael Hardner on June 07, 2020, 01:22:44 pm
We did an allowable gathering of 5 adults last night at our place.  A gay married couple and their spinster buddy who hangs out with them.  It felt really great - and we stayed up until just past 11 pm. 
Title: Re: Cabin Fever Culture
Post by: Rue on June 08, 2020, 04:16:14 pm

I feel like I didn't give this dumb comment the attention it deserves.   It seems like some of you genuinely don't understand that isolation has been extremely difficult for others.  "I'm happy, I go dig for clams! Why don't people just go dig for clams and quit whining?"  People are not all the same.  I suppose that some shut-ins and keyboard warriors here haven't been impacted at all by isolation, but for most people that's not the case. Most people have been cut off from things that are important to them.

Personally I couldn't care less about church, but I can understand that for many people it's a big part of their lives and that being cut off from it has been very painful.  People have been cut off from their friends,  from dating and socializing, from their sports activities, their classmates, their weekly bridge game or stitch-and-**** gatherings, their coffee groups, and all kinds of other little things that make life worth living.  The idea that people can just dig for clams and be happy while they're cut off from people and activities that are important in their lives is just ignorant. It demonstrates a disturbing lack of empathy.

For me, the phase two reopening in BC has felt like a weight being lifted off me. I've seen friends I hadn't seen for 2 months. Being able to reconnect with people and just see that they're okay has meant a lot.

 -k

During these last 3 months to of my 3 dogs died. It was tough. I was with them so long. I rescued a dog and it came two days ago. It helps. I find my dogs are the greatest companions helping get through this. A lot of people do. I just hope after Covid 19 they are not a lot of people giving up their dogs. I know some people think I am an **** but like a lot of people on this forum I love dogs and I know for some people animals have been their saving grace through all this ****. Good for the animals whether its a dog, horse, ferret, bird, horse whatever.
Title: Re: Cabin Fever Culture
Post by: wilber on June 08, 2020, 08:20:41 pm
During these last 3 months to of my 3 dogs died. It was tough. I was with them so long. I rescued a dog and it came two days ago. It helps. I find my dogs are the greatest companions helping get through this. A lot of people do. I just hope after Covid 19 they are not a lot of people giving up their dogs. I know some people think I am an **** but like a lot of people on this forum I love dogs and I know for some people animals have been their saving grace through all this ****. Good for the animals whether its a dog, horse, ferret, bird, horse whatever.

Two in three months, that's really tough. We had Labs in our house for over 35 years. Said goodbye to the last one about ten years ago. It's so hard. Our home and lifestyle hasn't been particularly dog friendly since then but we still miss them.
Title: Re: Cabin Fever Culture
Post by: kimmy on July 28, 2021, 11:38:55 pm
"God damn it, Hardner! This is a pandemic! This is no time to play by the rules!" Stryker's voice blasted from the sat-phone, blowing Michael's hair back. I wonder who pissed in his cornflakes, Michael thought to himself.

I took a sip of my coffee, idly wondering if there was a way to work Agile Office Environment into COVID-Force.



Chapter 19.

As Sharon slow-rolled the SUV past the playground, Jake kept his eyes peeled for social distancing violations.

The sight of the kids, laughing and playing, carefree in the face of the pandemic, should have warmed his heart. But it didn't. He'd been like them once. And then the world came crashing down on him.

“Mikey's COVID!”

“I'm not COVID! You're COVID!”

“Mikey's COVID! Mikey's COVID!”

“I'm not COVID! MOM!”

The sing-song taunts and laughter pushed Jake over the edge.  “Stop,” he told Sharon.  Sharon stopped the patrol SUV and whooped the siren once.  Jake burst out of the door and stormed into the playground.

“ALRIGHT!” Jake shouted. “This COVID-farm is CLOSED!”  Startled children scurried around and surprised parents looked at him in disbelief.

“YOU! Get away from that slide, punk!” Jake ordered a toddler, who immediately started bawling.

“Christ, Jake,” Sharon told him. “They're little kids.”

“The Covid don't care if you're four or 94,” Jake snarled. “HEY!  Jackass! Get away from that swing! It's not sanitized!”

“I want my mommy,” the kid sobbed, running away.

“Your mommy can't save you from the Covid, kid.”  Jake knew that better than anyone.

With the kids dispersed, Jake began putting up the yellow tape, marking the playground off limits.

“Jake, I think you came on a little strong back there,” Sharon told him. “Is there something you want to talk about?”

“They just won't listen,” Jake said, securing the tape. “They just won't listen.”

They walked back to the SUV, and Jake took the keys. As he started the engine, Sharon pulled up the latest updates.

“Possible social distancing violation in progress at the post office, and a restaurant allegedly over capacity. It's a Mexican restaurant... you ready for lunch? We could order some take out, pick it up while we're busting them...”

“Make sure we get the food before we shut them down, or they might spit in it.”

“Good point,” Sharon replied. Suddenly their radio crackled to life.

“Atlas! Athena! This is Oracle! What is your status?”

“God damn it, Natalie, we're not doing code names,” Sharon snarled.

“Guys! We talked about this! Call me Oracle!” Natalie pleaded.

“Jesus, Natalie,” Jake said, rolling his eyes. “You sit in front of a computer and eat Doritos all day. You don't get a code name.”

“Guys! Come on! Please?”

“What do you want, Natalie?” Sharon demanded.

“Okay, SHARON. Breaking story on Fox News: a shipment of vaccine is leaving the factory. We need to make sure it arrives safe.”

“Alright,” Jake replied. “What are we on the lookout for?”

“The French. Canadians. French Canadians. Anti-vaxxers. And bandits looking to sell vaccines on the black market.”

“Okay. Where?”

“I can't give you that information on an unsecured channel.”

“GOD DAMN IT, NATALIE!”

“Alright! Alright! The convoy is heading west on Bloomfield Expressway.”

“Roger. We're on route.”

“Don't call me Roger. I'm Oracle!” Natalie snickered.

“GOD DAMNIT!” Sharon disconnected the call, then punched some keys on the comm unit.  “Sat-Map, this is Snooze-Bar. Do you copy?”

“We've got you, Snooze-Bar,” came a gruff voice in reply.

“There's a shipment of vaccine that needs some babysitters. Bloomfield westbound. Can you assist?”

“Roger that, Snooze-Bar. I'll call in BarcaLounger, we'll make it a convoy.”

“See you soon, Sat-Map,” Sharon said as she ended the call.

“Plotting a course on the GPS. ETA is 17 minutes,” Jake told her.

“That's too long,” Sharon replied. “I know a shortcut through SARS-Town.”  The word put a chill down Jake's spine.  But he could hold it together long enough to get to the rendezvous point. He had to.

“Left here, then left again right after that,” Sharon instructed. “That'll put us on Lewis. Straight shot to the Bloomfield on-ramp from there.” 

Lewis Street... pretty much Main Street, SARS-Town USA. Once the center of a lively urban community. Now a wasteland of boarded up shops and closed restaurants and theaters that would never roll another film. Pretty much a ghost town. A ghost town with real ghosts. The street was half deserted, and the few faces still there looked drained, lifeless. Faces that still showed the exhaustion from all the coughing and wheezing. Eyes still hollow and haunted by the things they had seen. So long ago, but still just yesterday.

“Jake... what's wrong?  Jake, why are you stopping?!”  Sharon grabbed his shoulder. “Jake? Jake?!”  In reply he just slumped forward and rested his head on the steering wheel.

“Jake, I need you to stay with me.  Jake, COVID-Force needs you.”

“You weren't there,” Jake wheezed in reply. “You weren't there when it all went down.”

“When what went down?  I'm right here. I'm always here for you, Jake.”

“SARS.  Toronto.  2003. You don't know what it was like. You can't imagine what it was like.”

“Jake, you're-- ,” Sharon cut herself off. He's so young, she reminded herself. He must have been just a kid when SARS hit. She had been a whole decade older, starting college on the other side of the continent. “You're right, Jake, I don't know what it was like. But this is now, Jake. We have to be here for now, okay? We have to make sure that 2003 doesn't happen again, alright?  Can you help me do that?”

After a short silence he pulled his head off the steering wheel and nodded. “Alright,” he said, struggling to keep his voice even. “Alright. I can do this.”

“Maybe I better drive, Jake,” Sharon suggested. He nodded and got out of the SUV. She did the same and they switched seats. She buckled herself in and moved the shifter to Drive.  “After we're done, Jake, I think  you need to talk to somebody. Okay?”

He didn't want to. If he asked for help, he could end up on stress leave. Or discharged altogether. And then what would he do?

“Jake?  I don't want to push this, Jake, but you need to have your head straight out here. If your head isn't straight, you might get us both killed.”

“Okay. Okay,” he grudgingly agreed. If he got hurt, it didn't matter. But if he got Sharon hurt... the thought of her kids losing their mother hit him too close to home.  He couldn't let that happen. As Sharon turned the car onto the Bloomfield on-ramp Jake thought of his own mother, how she had looked eighteen years ago, the last time he saw her.

As they picked up speed and merged onto the expressway, Jake was jolted out of his thoughts.  “That's them!” Sharon shouted, pointing at another SUV. “That's BarcaLounger!”  She punched the press-to-talk on the radio. “BarcaLounger, this is Snooze-Bar on your six!”

“We see you, Snooze-Bar,” came the reply. “We are closing in on Sat-Map and the package, ETA 45 seconds.”  She accelerated to keep pace with the other vehicle and deactivated the radio.  “Just in time, Jake.”

“Alright,” he told her. “I'm ready.”  I can hold it together a little longer,  he told himself. Just a little longer.



 -k
Title: Re: Cabin Fever Culture
Post by: Dia on August 02, 2021, 10:13:24 am
During these last 3 months to of my 3 dogs died. It was tough. I was with them so long. I rescued a dog and it came two days ago. It helps. I find my dogs are the greatest companions helping get through this. A lot of people do. I just hope after Covid 19 they are not a lot of people giving up their dogs. I know some people think I am an **** but like a lot of people on this forum I love dogs and I know for some people animals have been their saving grace through all this ****. Good for the animals whether its a dog, horse, ferret, bird, horse whatever.

Rue, I'm so sorry to hear that.  Pets dying is just the saddest thing - we lost one of ours a couple of weeks ago.  Not getting another as my partner has some mobility issues, and since he has to walk the dogs while I'm at work, one is easier/safer than two.
Title: Re: Cabin Fever Culture
Post by: Michael Hardner on August 02, 2021, 02:29:41 pm
Kimmy... Interesting.
Title: Re: Cabin Fever Culture
Post by: Queefer Sutherland on August 07, 2021, 12:21:17 pm
The following is based on a true story...

The WHO discovered that COVID vaccines caused mental retardation and that the only cure for COVID was to let a homeless man have anal sex with you.  So then 99% of the population died from COVID because they refused the cure and gay **** homeless men inherited the earth and all its wealth.

The gay homeless moved into the homes of the wealthy but quickly trashed the place and were out on the street again.  They sold the luxury cars of the wealthy for drug money.

One day one of the gay homeless got clean.  His dream was to be an actor so he moved to Hollywood.  Unfortunately there was no more movie industry because homeless people don't work.  He instead had to settle for being a mime on the street corner.  He lived with other homeless on Venice Beach in homeless tent camps.

Soon it was discovered that while COVID had been eradicated due to homeless anal sex, a new disease called "reverse AIDS" was rising.  Reverse AIDS made people live until 150 years old, gave them super energy and immunity from most diseases, and also gave people super strength and speed.

Soon all olympic records had been broken by gay homeless people with reverse AIDS.  A gay man named Pete ran the 100m in 4.57 seconds.  He ran so fast his feet burned off and his legs had to be amputated.  Soon his legs grew back because reverse AIDS cures everything and he lived to be 150 years old.