Canadian Politics Today
Beyond Politics => General Discussion => Topic started by: Michael Hardner on June 24, 2017, 10:43:32 am
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It’s easy to criticize ****, and it’s fun to giggle over the exotic and unfamiliar sex acts the adult industry is all too happy to explore. But positioning the **** industry as an all-powerful force that’s here to wreak havoc on our sex lives is a distraction from the actual problem at hand. If we want an alternative to the vision of sex presented in pornography, we need to start by having open, honest and unashamed talks about sex.
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/23/opinion/pornhub-fleshbot-internet-****.html?utm_source=fark&utm_medium=website&utm_content=link&ICID=ref_fark&_r=0
I'm a prude. I can barely talk about sex. I come from an era where such talk is taboo. Even on a web board with strangers, I can't.
Is something wrong with me, or is this just natural human shame ?
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I would say that for my generation there's next to no shame in talking about sex.
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That quote is way off. As a society, I don't think we have issues talking about sex at all.
It's everywhere. Sometimes I'm surprised how openly G-rated sites get in depth with sexually-related articles.
Not that I mind or I'm complaining, I just think it's silly to say it's a taboo subject.
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Sure, it's discussed in media but do we talk to each other ?
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For me it's not a prudishness issue that I don't talk about sex. First, 98% of the time I'm a mother or in a professional setting so it's inappropriate timing. And then with friends, I have no inhibitions, but what's there to say when you're in a long-term monogamous relationship and you lost your virginity decades ago. The novelty has worn off.
I mean my friends and I do discuss it in general terms but to sit there and talk about my husband's performance seems a bit high school, no?
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For me talking with men about sex is awkward and talking with women about sex is even more awkward. I almost never talk about sex in real life, other than with people I'm having sex with.
-k
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I mean my friends and I do discuss it in general terms but to sit there and talk about my husband's performance seems a bit high school, no?
Many men suspect that women 'talk' to each other. It scares us. This claim makes me feel better.
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I almost never talk about sex in real life, other than with people I'm having sex with.
At least that's something. Many don't even speak with their partners.
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Many men suspect that women 'talk' to each other. It scares us. This claim makes me feel better.
Yeah, don't worry at all. To give you an example of the most recent sex conversation I had with a friend, it was about whether motherhood changed our libido. The discussion of details ended in high school.
And I agree, I wouldn't want my partner talking about our sex life to his friends either.
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I know my wife does not talk about our sex life with her friends. Or, if she does, not honestly.
Because if she did they would all be sleeping with me! ;D <groan> ::)
But seriously, what is there to talk about other than I did not know I was Japanese?*
* The average Canadian has sex 2-3 times per week, whereas the average Japanese has sex 1-2 times per year. This is upsetting news to me: I didn't know I was Japanese.
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Humour.
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the average Japanese has sex 1-2 times per year.
This stat seems a bit incredible so I looked it up. According to a study by a condom company, it is.
While they are last, and well below the 2nd most sexless country, they are having sex on average 45 times/year. So every 8 days or so.
http://toyokeizai.net/articles/-/56360
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And humourless...
You're such an accountant BC_C. ;)
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I didn't realise you were joking. Hey, at least I thought the first part about your wife's friends was pretty funny. That I knew MUST be a joke. :D
And you're right, there were probably too much GAAP principles of relevance and reliability in that post.
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So, uh...
...my boss's wife had this idea that she wants to introduce me to someone. This isn't a first... lots of people have tried to play matchmaker for me. What's unique is that this is the first time someone has offered to introduce me to a woman.
I have had a strange tingly feeling for about 4 hours. Not at the idea of meeting potentially a new partner. This isn't my first rodeo. It's different, hard to put into words. I feel ... accepted?
People I have worked with for a while and feel comfortable with know that I prefer to be with women... my first serious girlfriend even came to a company Christmas party one year. Nobody has said anything negative, at least while I was in earshot. Everybody is polite and tolerant and I even get some good-natured teasing from time to time. So it's not that I have felt negative feelings from my co-workers. But this was different. This wasn't just tolerance, this was someone reaching out and acknowledging and accepting and supporting me for what I am, and it felt strangely wonderful in a way I had never expected. A half hour after we had talked, I replayed the conversation in my head, and almost cried from happiness or relief or something. I felt as if some kind of weight had been removed from me. I didn't know I needed this in my life.
-k
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So, uh...
...my boss's wife had this idea that she wants to introduce me to someone. This isn't a first... lots of people have tried to play matchmaker for me. What's unique is that this is the first time someone has offered to introduce me to a woman.
I have had a strange tingly feeling for about 4 hours. Not at the idea of meeting potentially a new partner. This isn't my first rodeo. It's different, hard to put into words. I feel ... accepted?
People I have worked with for a while and feel comfortable with know that I prefer to be with women... my first serious girlfriend even came to a company Christmas party one year. Nobody has said anything negative, at least while I was in earshot. Everybody is polite and tolerant and I even get some good-natured teasing from time to time. So it's not that I have felt negative feelings from my co-workers. But this was different. This wasn't just tolerance, this was someone reaching out and acknowledging and accepting and supporting me for what I am, and it felt strangely wonderful in a way I had never expected. A half hour after we had talked, I replayed the conversation in my head, and almost cried from happiness or relief or something. I felt as if some kind of weight had been removed from me. I didn't know I needed this in my life.
-k
This made me weepy, that such a normal thing for straight people would be so rare for gays.
Two of my grandaughters date girls. Both in high school, from small BC towns, one in the Okanagan and one in Northern BC, both girls seem pretty open about it. That made menfeel good and pesuades me that acceptance will become the norm.
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I think it's becoming more and more accepted. My daughter is gay. I knew long before she came out to me when she was 15. At the time, I told her, "I'm going to give you the same advice I'd be giving you if you were attracted to boys - You're too young to be acting on sexual feelings right now. Go to school, hang out with your freinds, be a teenager, enjoy your youth."
She has had the same girlfriend for the last four years and I treat her like my other daughter-in-law.
They tell me that occasionally they will get a rude comment from strangers, but they feel generally accepted. I have freinds that are male gay, and they receive more discrimination that my girls do. And it comes generally from straight men.
I have always wondered why male homosexuality arouses such angry feelings amongst men......it doesn't seem to bother women as much to see lesbians.
I hope you meet someone wonderful, kimmy :)
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I think the reason female same-sex relationships are more socially accepted is because men find the idea of two women together sexually arousing. I know the word 'patriarchy' is frowned upon these days as non-existent, but the difference in accepting same-sex male relationships is a prime example of how we take a male view of acceptance.
Fortunately, I've noticed changing attitudes amongst the 20 year olds of today where a lot of bisexual men are able to be out compared to when I was 20. I find it very encouraging.
As for Kimmy's post, it's funny but recently I was fantasizing about what would happen if I took a same-sex partner to my client's annual Christmas party. Everyone at that office is in a long-term, stable, heterosexual marriages (no divorces, no blended families).
It pleased me when I realized nobody would care and how far we've come from 20 years ago where I don't think I would be comfortable in a professional environment if I were in a same-sex relationship.
I forget though that I'm in a big city and it's still a little different in the smaller communities, so it's nice to hear that things are changing everywhere. In 20 years from now I hope we're at a point where no matter the gender of the person and no matter the size of the community, these things don't matter.
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I think the reason female same-sex relationships are more socially accepted is because men find the idea of two women together sexually arousing. I know the word 'patriarchy' is frowned upon these days as non-existent, but the difference in accepting same-sex male relationships is a prime example of how we take a male view of acceptance.
I think this is probably a big part of it... there is a lot of lesbian **** around, mostly because many straight men enjoy it. I think that has normalized the idea of women making out.
As well, I recall seeing, years ago, a bumper sticker that read "I support same-sex marriage, if both chicks are hot." While I'm sure that was intended as humor, I think that there's probably a lot of truth in it. I think people probably like the idea of Kristen Stewart and Stella Maxwell getting frisky more than they like the idea of Rosie O'Donnell and Wanda Sykes getting frisky.
I forget though that I'm in a big city and it's still a little different in the smaller communities, so it's nice to hear that things are changing everywhere. In 20 years from now I hope we're at a point where no matter the gender of the person and no matter the size of the community, these things don't matter.
I think people here might be less likely to be "out", and as a result fewer people actually know that they have gay people in their circle of friends or acquaintances. I am very cautious about who I let know. This is still redneck country. My s.o. (maybe former s.o. now) lives in Vancouver most of the time, and she's pretty handsy in public, which I'm not completely comfortable with it. I was never big into public displays when I was with men either, so maybe it's just personality... but I think that maybe being in Vancouver gives her a feeling of comfort with it that I don't feel here.
-k
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I think it's becoming more and more accepted. My daughter is gay. I knew long before she came out to me when she was 15.
How did you know? Was it intuition, or were there concrete things that you saw in her that told you? This is interesting to me.
For me, there was never a Eureka moment... I knew I was physically attracted to women from the time I was old enough to understand what physical attraction feels like. I had lots of opportunity to experiment as a teenager, but never thought of that as anything more than just play. I guess for me the Eureka moment wasn't accepting that I felt attracted to women, it was in deciding that it didn't have to be just play, it could be more.
I was in a relationship with a wonderful man for a long time, and I think I could do that again if I met the right man. But that's not what I want right now. I didn't really even start sorting this stuff out until I was 24, and 10 years later I'm still not completely sure where I'm at.
I hope you meet someone wonderful, kimmy :)
Thanks :)
-k
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With the male on male sex scenes in "American Gods" and "Ozark" where even I (who was caught with smuggled Hustler magazines when I was 9 years old) can watch it is likely a sign that the times are a changing.
But yeah, I'd rather watch women getting it on, but "AG" and "Ozark" are much better stories with the gay sex in them than without.
ETA: for those wondering about this
https://moviepilot.com/p/american-gods-gay-sex-explicit-not-****/4270422
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I have a hard enough time with setting up people that
I don't do this anymore.
I am glad for your experience with your coworker.
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With the male on male sex scenes in "American Gods" and "Ozark" where even I (who was caught with smuggled Hustler magazines when I was 9 years old) can watch it is likely a sign that the times are a changing.
But yeah, I'd rather watch women getting it on, but "AG" and "Ozark" are much better stories with the gay sex in them than without.
ETA: for those wondering about this
https://moviepilot.com/p/american-gods-gay-sex-explicit-not-****/4270422
Ozark is excellent. I'm sad I have to wait a whole year for more of it.
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I want to have sex with thousands of hot women. Not at the same time mind you.
Now back to our regular scheduled programming.
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My s.o. (maybe former s.o. now) lives in Vancouver most of the time, and she's pretty handsy in public, which I'm not completely comfortable with it. I was never big into public displays when I was with men either, so maybe it's just personality... but I think that maybe being in Vancouver gives her a feeling of comfort with it that I don't feel here.
-k
So you're consistent. I've never had issues holding the hand of the men I've dated, but with women I was more reserved. Well, unless we were in a gay-friendly area/bar and it didn't seem out of place.
But now I don't take it for granted in my current relationship. For a lot of people it probably doesn't even cross their mind how such a simple little gesture is actually a privilege, but I'm often well aware of it when I hold my husband's in public.
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With the male on male sex scenes in "American Gods" and "Ozark" where even I (who was caught with smuggled Hustler magazines when I was 9 years old) can watch it is likely a sign that the times are a changing.
But yeah, I'd rather watch women getting it on, but "AG" and "Ozark" are much better stories with the gay sex in them than without.
ETA: for those wondering about this
https://moviepilot.com/p/american-gods-gay-sex-explicit-not-****/4270422
I just wrote a response to you but deleted it by mistake, grrr, I'll try and rephrase it...
That was a very graphic sex scene, gay or straight. I don't remember seeing anything equivalent on TV for a straight sex scene. Good for them.
Also, I remember reading some criticism from gay men when Brokeback Mountain came out that the way the sex was always depicted from behind is actually the way straight people think gay men have sex when in fact, more often than not, they have missionary sex just like heterosexuals.
So in the beginning of the scene in your link when they started off from behind I groaned remembering that criticism, but they even changed it up to get the true, non-hetero depiction of gay sex.
Good job director!
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Men are threatened by gay men. It's just tough guy masculine BS, macho culture, whatever you want to call it. It makes men uncomfortable, men are "supposed" to be tough, and "tough" men don't want to even accept the chance that they might enjoy a gay encounter...that's a threat to their whole identity, and for a hetero man to show approval of gay men (in hetero men's minds) there's a fear by many hetero men that this will make other people question their hetero-ness or masculinity. I feel bad for gay men, they're made to feel like they're lesser men by other men or even women sometimes.
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My daughter was gay. She was in a relationship with a woman for years, and my wife and I were famous in their gay circle as the parents who didn't give a toss. We weren't against it, and we weren't supportive. We just didn't care.
Anyway, it turns out she was bi. Now she's engaged to a man. We still don't care.
He's just as nice as her girlfriend was.
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This is going to sound awful and anti-man, but whatever...
I think I would actually prefer it if either of my daughters turned out gay.
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I suppose it's only as awful as saying you would prefer it if they didn't.
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How did you know? Was it intuition, or were there concrete things that you saw in her that told you? This is interesting to me.
I think a lot of it was intuition. She was just always "different". Not in a bad way. She always detested anything "girly". Hated dresses, dressing up, loved all kinds of sports, very active. I'm a girly-girl, so I recognized at the age of 2 or 3 that she was not and immediately gave up my dreams of dressing up my little girl in dresses and hairstyles. We found other ways to connect as she grew up. I took more of an interest in her interests and we found things we enjoyed doing together.
Because of the religion, I knew at some point I would have to make a decision - shunning is required if your child leaves the religion or is gay. I knew I wasn't going to give up my child - she is perfect in every way, loving, sociable, accepting, compassionate and generous. So I made sure we had a good relationship before we left the religion and that she knew without a doubt, I wasn't going to abandon her.
She says she is actually Bi, but she hasn't had a boyfriend since her teens. She prefers women. She came out to me when she was 15, but only just came out to her dad last year (she's 23 now.) He basically pretends she isn't gay, on the rare occasions when she sees him (He's still in the religion). He calls her grilfreind her "freind" and she corrects him - "Dad, she's my GIRLFRIEND."
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I suppose it's only as awful as saying you would prefer it if they didn't.
There are many advantages to heterosexual relationships, such as social acceptance, more romantic options and easier procreation so I don't think it's 'awful' if some parents would 'prefer' it.
What WOULD be awful is not accepting it or somewhere in the back of your mind hoping it's just a phase and wishing for the day they may end up changing their mind.
If my daughters turns out straight I would never hope they'll change their minds or be unaccepting so I don't think having a preference in itself is a bad thing.
Just as there are advantages to to opposite sex relationships, there are advantages I think for same-sex ones. There is a great level of understanding which I find lacking in many heterosexual relationships.
By the time my kids are grown, I imagine most of advantages I said above for heterosexuals are less of a factor, so my personal preference for their own sake is to find a harmonious relationship and strictly speaking from a personal perspective, I think same-sex relationships make more sense than opposite.
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There are many advantages to heterosexual relationships, such as social acceptance, more romantic options and easier procreation so I don't think it's 'awful' if some parents would 'prefer' it.
What WOULD be awful is not accepting it or somewhere in the back of your mind hoping it's just a phase and wishing for the day they may end up changing their mind.
If my daughters turns out straight I would never hope they'll change their minds or be unaccepting so I don't think having a preference in itself is a bad thing.
Just as there are advantages to to opposite sex relationships, there are advantages I think for same-sex ones. There is a great level of understanding which I find lacking in many heterosexual relationships.
By the time my kids are grown, I imagine most of advantages I said above for heterosexuals are less of a factor, so my personal preference for their own sake is to find a harmonious relationship and strictly speaking from a personal perspective, I think same-sex relationships make more sense than opposite.
They make more sense from pretty much any perspective other than procreation, and that's the last thing we need right now.
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They make more sense from pretty much any perspective other than procreation, and that's the last thing we need right now.
Only whites need more procreation as I've heard we're on the endangered species list. :o
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I sometimes go hours without seeing another white person. It's insane. Where did they all go? I mean, I know the 2011 census showed that 3/16 of the population is a visible minority (that is ALL visible minorities), but holy hell, man. White people are practically on the verge of extinction.
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This is going to sound awful and anti-man, but whatever...
I think I would actually prefer it if either of my daughters turned out gay.
When I told someone I used to exchange email with that I was gay, he half-jokingly asked if I had any tips on getting his 20 year old daughter to start dating girls instead of guys. He was distressed by the quality of guys his daughter was meeting. While I'm sure that every dad thinks his little girl is too good for the dimwits she's dating, I felt about the same when I was that age... the guys my age seemed to have nothing going on at all. When I did find a man I wanted to be with, he was 12 years older than me.
Also, I find the idea of raising kids today to be really scary and I'm kind of glad I don't have to do it. You're much braver than me. There are so many worrying stories about all kinds of negative things happening in schools. Drugs, bullying, sexual violence, pressure to participate in all kinds of weird social trends, and the hypersexulaization of everything... if your daughters were gay, an unplanned pregnancy would be at least one less thing to worry about...
I suppose it's only as awful as saying you would prefer it if they didn't.
Which isn't awful, in my opinion. I think every parent has hopes and dreams for their children, and I'm sure that for many of them those hopes and dreams include finding a wonderful spouse and having a wonderful traditional family and wonderful grandchildren, and I don't see anything wrong with having that dream.
There are many advantages to heterosexual relationships, such as social acceptance, more romantic options and easier procreation so I don't think it's 'awful' if some parents would 'prefer' it.
What WOULD be awful is not accepting it or somewhere in the back of your mind hoping it's just a phase and wishing for the day they may end up changing their mind.
Indeed!
-k
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I think a lot of it was intuition. She was just always "different". Not in a bad way. She always detested anything "girly". Hated dresses, dressing up, loved all kinds of sports, very active. I'm a girly-girl, so I recognized at the age of 2 or 3 that she was not and immediately gave up my dreams of dressing up my little girl in dresses and hairstyles. We found other ways to connect as she grew up. I took more of an interest in her interests and we found things we enjoyed doing together.
I have wondered about why it seems like lesbians are drawn to sports. Like, of something like 30-40 female fighters in UFC, at least 6 of them are openly gay, which is a lot compared to the population at large. I think it's similar in basketball and soccer. I was very into sports, and there wasn't any kind of conscious decision to disavow girly things... it just somehow happened, and long before I had any conscious idea of sexual orientation or gender identity.
Because of the religion, I knew at some point I would have to make a decision - shunning is required if your child leaves the religion or is gay. I knew I wasn't going to give up my child - she is perfect in every way, loving, sociable, accepting, compassionate and generous. So I made sure we had a good relationship before we left the religion and that she knew without a doubt, I wasn't going to abandon her.
This is so wonderful! :-* If I recall you were with the JWs before, right? Was it your daughter that made you decide to leave? Or were you thinking about it before? Was it hard to leave?
She says she is actually Bi, but she hasn't had a boyfriend since her teens. She prefers women. She came out to me when she was 15, but only just came out to her dad last year (she's 23 now.) He basically pretends she isn't gay, on the rare occasions when she sees him (He's still in the religion). He calls her grilfreind her "freind" and she corrects him - "Dad, she's my GIRLFRIEND."
Give it time... he might get used to it.
-k
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I have wondered about why it seems like lesbians are drawn to sports. Like, of something like 30-40 female fighters in UFC, at least 6 of them are openly gay, which is a lot compared to the population at large. I think it's similar in basketball and soccer. I was very into sports, and there wasn't any kind of conscious decision to disavow girly things... it just somehow happened, and long before I had any conscious idea of sexual orientation or gender identity.
The implicit logic here is that there are gender preferences. That's not to say that people shouldn't have choice but that people do choose certain things based on gender. Why or how isn't clear to me, but as long as people have a choice to pursue whatever they like I don't think we worry if we don't have 50%-50% participation in all activities.
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This is so wonderful! :-* If I recall you were with the JWs before, right? Was it your daughter that made you decide to leave? Or were you thinking about it before? Was it hard to leave?
Give it time... he might get used to it.
-k
I had been having doubts about a lot of things in the religion for a long time. But I was 3rd generation JW, you can't just leave. Unless you accept that you will lose all your family and freinds when you leave.
My son decided when he was 18 he didn't want to attend the religion any more. And I knew my daughter was gay, so giving up both my children was just not an option for me. The marriage was bad, too. Very patriarchal, very controlling. I planned leaving for quite a few years. I needed to set up a bit of a support group for myself, luckily I had my best freind, who had gotten the boot from the religion a few years prior to me leaving. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but worth it.
Her dad will never get used to her being gay - he's would not be allowed to. He speaks to her occasionally, but even that is generally on Saturday morning, when he knocks on her door and offers her the magazines.
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Were your kids never baptized?
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Were your kids never baptized?
My son was, when he was 16. When he left at 18, we just let him go and asked the elders to leave him alone. So he's never been DF'ed. My daughter never got baptised.
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I had been having doubts about a lot of things in the religion for a long time. But I was 3rd generation JW, you can't just leave. Unless you accept that you will lose all your family and freinds when you leave.
My son decided when he was 18 he didn't want to attend the religion any more. And I knew my daughter was gay, so giving up both my children was just not an option for me. The marriage was bad, too. Very patriarchal, very controlling. I planned leaving for quite a few years. I needed to set up a bit of a support group for myself, luckily I had my best freind, who had gotten the boot from the religion a few years prior to me leaving. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but worth it.
That's wonderful! You're so brave. Your kids are lucky to have a mom like you!
Her dad will never get used to her being gay - he's would not be allowed to. He speaks to her occasionally, but even that is generally on Saturday morning, when he knocks on her door and offers her the magazines.
I can't comprehend that some people would put their magic book above their own flesh and blood. :(
-k
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More on erotica/pornography:
Someone pointed out stats regarding women's responses to it, saying that men are more attracted and women less so. Is there a difference for Lesbians/Gay Men ? Do women generally like this stuff or not ?
http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/entry/straight-women-lesbian-porn_n_7689072
"women were 445 percent more likely than men to search for “girl on girl.”
Are those straight women ??
I discussed the topic with only 3 of my girlfriends/significant others. I didn't bring it up with any of my girlfriends, but with those three they brought it into the conversation.
- One had zero interest
- One was into it and would watch it with me, which was like discovering gold at the time
- One was an 80s feminist and couldn't get past 'objectification' in it
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My problem with 'objectification' is that the term is ambiguous: it describes depiction of people, but also implicitly describes the effect on the observer. So you can't portray people as 'sex objects', presumably, because the watcher can't discern between fantasy and reality.
Also, a lot of the language was about patriarchal elevation of the 'perfect woman' ie. the it-girl, the playboy bunny. I didn't see the logic in that argument. If I like chubby chicks (I do) then do I get a 'pass' ? It also seemed to reveal a lack of understanding as to how men think about sexuality. The criticism, at the time, was that the 'it girls' were skinny models with unattainable body types. But the ONLY men I ever knew who found those people attractive were gay men, who followed the fashion industry. So the discussion was unfolding on an entirely irrelevant landscape. In. My. Opinion.
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Also, a lot of the language was about patriarchal elevation of the 'perfect woman' ie. the it-girl, the playboy bunny. I didn't see the logic in that argument. If I like chubby chicks (I do) then do I get a 'pass' ? It also seemed to reveal a lack of understanding as to how men think about sexuality. The criticism, at the time, was that the 'it girls' were skinny models with unattainable body types. But the ONLY men I ever knew who found those people attractive were gay men, who followed the fashion industry. So the discussion was unfolding on an entirely irrelevant landscape. In. My. Opinion.
I've grappled with issue of objectification and what it means and I've evolved quite a bit since I was younger.
To answer your question above, no, I don't think being a chubby chaser gives a man a pass if the woman's beauty is all the man values in her (not you, I mean other men who can't seem to relate to women on a human/friend level and only see us as the other, here to have babies and do our own thing).
I first came across feminism in university and I was capitalizing on my youth and I didn't see a problem with it. I used to shake it off if my humanity was lost as long as I gained something but as I've gotten older I have come to really dislike it when I am not seen as an equal. It has nothing to do with attraction either, for example, one of the reasons I love my husband so much is that he seems to have that exact balance of finding me physically desirable but respecting me as a human being and appreciating me for my intellect.
So I guess speaking just for myself, objectification is when a man does not have the ability to see women as anything as 'the other', someone to have sex with and make babies with without having a deeper appreciation for her as a person. Unfortunately, that is still an issue in our society and although it goes both ways, I personally it happens a lot less on the flip side.
Of course this way of thinking causes conflict when it comes to **** where the woman doesn't really even have a personality. I personally don't like any kind of **** where women are degraded. On a logical level I know that some of the women are willing participants and even enjoy the degradation, but it saddens me that we live in a world where that type of sex turns on so many men. It's not far from **** culture as far as I'm concerned.
On a personal level, becoming a mother to a daughter has changed my views a bit on **** because sometimes all I see when viewing **** is someone's daughter. I don't have an issue with sex-trade but **** is forever and when I see young women in it who still aren't aware of the lifelong repercussions of their decisions, I view it a bit differently than I did when I was younger and all I saw a woman enjoying herself.
More on this, there is an interesting documentary (called After ****) where women discuss the trials facing them as they go on to have families and children and they are being recognized in their kid's school and can't escape their past. It's a bit different than having worked in private in the sex trade.
I guess for me what it comes down to is I respect the right of others to do as they want even though I don't enjoy watching degrading ****, and I prefer not to see very young women because I view them from a motherly perspective and I worry about their future. ;)
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The thing with ****, ****, stripping, and all other sex-trade-related things is that there's different reasons for going into it. Some women are very happy and content to sell sex. They enjoy it even. So if it's their choice and they enjoy what they're doing, then it's an issue of empowerment. There's others who don't enjoy it, who get into it out of desperation, and who run into disgusting con artists who are more than happy to take advantage of them. That's a very serious problem and it's the opposite of empowering the woman. There's a world of difference between professional pornography studios and "revenge" sites that encourage people to upload videos of their partners without their consent. There's a world of difference between a company that gives the actors the autonomy to say "no" without any negative consequences or coercion and the ones that mislead, fool, or coerce people to do things that they don't want to do.
So it's tough to talk about "pornography" as a single thing and say whether it's objectification or not. It's both. It objectifies and it empowers. Even prostitutes have social stratification from the high class VIP call girls down to the "crack ****" in the slums. It's tough to point to **** as one thing, when there's no one thing called ****.
Hugh Hefner died and we're talking about his empire. It's tough to say that celebrities who have a ton of money then go and do full spreads in Playboy are being objectified, when they themselves say they were empowered by doing it. That's quite a different situation from hackers getting pics of Jennifer Lawrence and posting them all over the internet without her consent. That's abuse, even though we're ultimately talking about the same thing: the distribution of **** photos.
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Cybercoma, I agree that you can't have an all-encompassing discussion about **** or **** because there are too many variables involved. However, I'm not sure I agree with the notion that being a willing participant makes it empowering and that's the part I've evolved on and grappled with since my younger days.
As you know, I disagree with you on the burka issue where you think for some Muslim women it's empowering and nobody else's business what they do. In my opinion, when you are brought up believing something to be true, the subject is no longer free will as the woman did not come to the conclusion on her own, but there was an element of brainwashing.
In our society, unfortunately, we still are dealing with the issue of the ****/madonna complex where women's liberation has done very little to change that dichotomy. Women are now free to express their sexuality, but often times we are still regarded badly and maligned for it. We're far from being liberated and that's the part I have issues with as I get older.
When we live in a culture that values women on the basis of their looks, it's of little value whether she herself felt empowered by something she did because, just like the burka, her thought process is based on all the messages she received growing up and not based on free will alone.
We still have a long way to go before women are truly able to express themselves sexually without prejudice. That's the real issue behind objectification of women and that's what makes the issue of willing participant a little more complex than just consent.
We are the flip side of Muslim societies as far as I'm concerned.
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In my opinion, when you are brought up believing something to be true, the subject is no longer free will
(Sorry for not quoting you properly)
This point here is where I have trouble. Unless you were dropped on an island in isolation when you fell out of the womb, you are socialized. It's impossible not to be socialized. It's impossible not to have a culture. What you are suggesting here is that the process of socialization eliminates free will. By that definition, literally no one has free will anywhere.
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That's fair, but on some level do you see my point that there is an objective truth out there where it's wrong to cover women's faces and/or treat them with the virgin/madonna complex and therefore a woman's own adherence to these ideals is not really indicative of empowerment since it's a result of conditioning?
Or do you see the objectification of women in the west similarly as you do the burka issue where it's not really a problem if she is led to believe it's not a problem? (IOW there is no objective truth, it's all subjective)
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Only whites need more procreation as I've heard we're on the endangered species list. :o
If we use the same criterion for caucasians as we do for animals, then technically we are an endangered species.
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If we use the same criterion for caucasians as we do for animals, then technically we are an endangered species.
You think Caucasians are a different species than blacks and oriental Asians?
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You think Caucasians are a different species than blacks and oriental Asians?
I think polar bears, black bears, grizzlies and pandas are all different species of bear. Don't you?
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I think polar bears, black bears, grizzlies and pandas are all different species of bear. Don't you?
No ****.... they are different species. Are Caucasians and blacks a different species?
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No ****.... they are different species. Are Caucasians and blacks a different species?
Dogs, cats, birds, snakes, deer, whales, fish, rats, apes etc etc. All animals, all have different species of that animal. Do you have a valid argument or is calling me a racist gonna be enough.
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Do you have a valid argument or is calling me a racist gonna be enough.
When I search for the word 'racist' on your page, only your post comes up.
So... are you going to retract your ridiculous assertion ? It's pretty easy to say you're wrong, you know.
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I think the reason female same-sex relationships are more socially accepted is because men find the idea of two women together sexually arousing. I know the word 'patriarchy' is frowned upon these days as non-existent, but the difference in accepting same-sex male relationships is a prime example of how we take a male view of acceptance.
It's not just a male view. Women I know have zero interest in watching a video of two men having sex, including the one bisexual woman I know. In fact, I've never spoken to a woman who expressed even mild interest in such a thing, though many have have responded, to paraphrase "Ewwww!". Many are uninterested in videos of women having sex either but I generally don't find the response as emphatic, for the most part.
I'd add that most are not opposed to gay male relationships. One in particular has a very good gay friend who she goes to concerts and other events with, but male-male nudity doesn't turn them on. Most women, in fact, have said that naked male bodies - other than for the likes of those perfect underwear model types are just not that visually attractive compared to the naked female body.
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No ****.... they are different species. Are Caucasians and blacks a different species?
Is a poodle a different species than a beagle?
Let's not get hung up on ridiculous semantics.
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Is a poodle a different species than a beagle?
Let's not get hung up on ridiculous semantics.
Ummm.... you're not reading the thread. No one mentioned domestic dogs.
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du fuq dis **** doing in the Sex Culture thread?
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du fuq dis **** doing in the Sex Culture thread?
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Someone has to defend the white race!
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du fuq dis **** doing in the Sex Culture thread?
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To be fair, I was responding to dialamah's sarcasm about caucasians becoming endangered. It was Squid who derailed the topic by focussing on my use of the word "species".
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More on erotica/pornography:
Someone pointed out stats regarding women's responses to it, saying that men are more attracted and women less so. Is there a difference for Lesbians/Gay Men ? Do women generally like this stuff or not ?
Well, your article gives some answers. If 1/3 of PornHub users are women, that's a hell of a lot of women watching **** on the interwebs...
http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/entry/straight-women-lesbian-porn_n_7689072
"women were 445 percent more likely than men to search for “girl on girl.”
Are those straight women ??
...and if a large number of them are watching girl-on-girl ****, maybe it's because typical male-focused **** isn't very appealing to them, as the article suggests.
When I do see heterosexual ****, I usually find it pretty unappealing. The man involved often looks like a sleazebag... grooming and wardrobe choices that make you think he's probably on parole or something. And the women often look pretty bad too... bad fake breasts, collagen lips, bleach jobs and makeup. And the action itself is often just a bunch of thrusting, and the woman will scream like she's getting murdered, and I think most women --straight or gay-- don't actually find that very appealing.
Also, a lot of the language was about patriarchal elevation of the 'perfect woman' ie. the it-girl, the playboy bunny. I didn't see the logic in that argument. If I like chubby chicks (I do) then do I get a 'pass' ? It also seemed to reveal a lack of understanding as to how men think about sexuality. The criticism, at the time, was that the 'it girls' were skinny models with unattainable body types. But the ONLY men I ever knew who found those people attractive were gay men, who followed the fashion industry. So the discussion was unfolding on an entirely irrelevant landscape. In. My. Opinion.
I think the fashion models are quite different from the Playboy models. They both might be "unattainable", but the runway models are all arms and legs... the Playboy models have female curves-- breasts, hips, thighs, behinds. I don't anybody who thinks fashion models are actually sexy. Maybe the lack of breasts and hips makes them a better canvas for designers to work on, maybe the designers like these bodies because they don't distract from the clothes. I don't know.
And I always thought Playboy was quite different from other nudie magazines in the style of photography. Other magazines like Penthouse, I did feel like the models were objects--- not really people, just anatomy being put on display. With Playboy, as I remember it, it really did seem like the photographers were celebrating their subjects. There seemed to be a genuine enthusiasm for the women. The photo sets give an impression of warmth and affection that I don't recall in other publications.
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Sex News !
https://broadly.vice.com/en_us/article/kzewww/study-straight-women-are-having-fewer-orgasms-because-of-their-useless-partners?utm_source=vicefbus
The best predictor, however, of how often a woman orgasms is how often she receives oral sex. "Women who orgasmed more frequently reported receiving more oral sex, having sex for longer durations, and being more satisfied with their relationships," the study states. "Of particular importance for women was incorporating oral sex along with other activities during a sexual encounter."
Breaking News... to any man who has never been with a woman, or who came of age before 1975...
But surprisingly, Frederick says, "oral sex is only somewhat common. Fewer than half of couples usually to always incorporate oral sex when they are sexually intimate."
Also:
Straight People Don't Exist!
https://broadly.vice.com/en_us/article/ypa7vk/straight-people-dont-exist-new-research-says?utm_campaign=global&utm_source=vicefbanz
I utterly shocked a couple of mates at Burningman (males) when I told them I had never had any kind of male-male contact.
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Girls are stupid and dumb. :(
I am starting to understand why Argus is mad all the time.
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How about non white girls? and was that angry or mad?
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How about non white girls?
I live in the whitest city in Canada and probably the red-neckiest city in Canada as well. There hasn't been a whole lot of non-white women to choose from to be honest. I'd be open to the idea, tho.
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Girls are stupid and dumb. :(
I am starting to understand why Argus is mad all the time.
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Uhm... what?
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Uhm... what?
I'm doing the dating thing ... for really the first time in my life, actually... and it has been pretty exasperating so far. I think I am gaining fresh insight into the kind of stress and struggles single men have to deal with.
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I'm doing the dating thing ... for really the first time in my life, actually... and it has been pretty exasperating so far. I think I am gaining fresh insight into the kind of stress and struggles single men have to deal with.
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Are you trying online sites?
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Are you trying online sites?
Yes. So far not going well.
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Yes. So far not going well.
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Takes time and patience, but it is possible. :)
If you are using POF, there are discussion forums. There you can get a sense of how people approach dating, their often unrealistic expectations and the way in which the same themes repeat, endlessly. "When to have sex", "He/she cheated on me", "I have been here a week/month/year and haven't met anyone, what's wrong with me/them?", "how come no-one responds to my messages", "only good looking people get messages", "old men\women only want young partners", "He\she disappeared after great date/after declaring undying love". Etc.
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I'm doing the dating thing ... for really the first time in my life, actually... and it has been pretty exasperating so far. I think I am gaining fresh insight into the kind of stress and struggles single men have to deal with.
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Okay. But I don't think girls are stupid, and I'm not always angry. In fact, I'm fairly content with myself, as opposed to the state of society and the nation.
Spending most of your life with no money and suddenly having enough money to basically do and buy whatever you want does give one a certain level of contentment.
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Yes. So far not going well.
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Those sites are like a mirror of the internet. They have some decent people, but every class of scumbag, vermin, liar, degenerate, and crazy, as well as the desperately lonely. A female friend of mine gave them a try earlier this year. Because she's a reasonably attractive blonde, especially for someone just into her forties, her mailbox was overloaded with mail every day. But mostly from people whose lies and lust were fairly obvious, or who had some fairly obvious deep-seated emotional issues. Almost everyone overweight lies about their weight. Almost everyone who has a criminal record, or is poor, or has a drug habit, lies about it. The focus of 95% of the interest on both sides is the physical appearance of the other person. You would think no one would actually try to substitute a picture of themselves from ten or twenty years ago but they do. They even put in pictures of other people. The men often ask for **** pictures. One sent her a picture of him laying on a bed with a ten inch **** (she did not meet him). She got some flirty girls, too (or at least they said they were girls), even though she had advertised as straight, but doesn't swing that way.
According to her, you have to have the intestinal fortitude to dump someone two minutes after meeting them if it's obvious they lied about lots of stuff. Otherwise it can be a pretty daunting experience meeting people.
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Takes time and patience, but it is possible. :)
If you are using POF, there are discussion forums. There you can get a sense of how people approach dating, their often unrealistic expectations and the way in which the same themes repeat, endlessly. "When to have sex", "He/she cheated on me", "I have been here a week/month/year and haven't met anyone, what's wrong with me/them?", "how come no-one responds to my messages", "only good looking people get messages", "old men\women only want young partners", "He\she disappeared after great date/after declaring undying love". Etc.
Based on a couple of guys I knew who tried it, and the one girl who tried it, these sites are overwhelmingly male. And certainly, attractive people get way more attention. She would regal me on the phone while she flipped through all her mail, and basically looked at most just for the pictures. Only if the picture was hot would she look closer for the details(yes, she's a bit shallow that way but she had lots of options).
Old men/women only want younger? I've thought about that. I'm not exactly old but I'm sure not young. Certainly deep into middle age. Your assessment of what is physically attractive - sexually attractive - tends to change over time. I once expressed frustration over the girls in Playboy because they were so old. I wanted girls my age. By the time I was thirty I didn't think twenty five was old any more. By the time I was forty I didn't think thirty five was old. On the other hand, I have to say that nature is not kind to women, especially those who have children. They tend to spread out in their middle years more than men. Or maybe mens bodies just handle the additional weight better. Growing old with someone, your assessment of attractive changes, but meeting someone new who is, say, fifty - well, that's more of a challenge. Most of us have, within us, our society's standards of beauty. And our society's standards of beauty, which we imbibe daily through television, movies, advertising, or even ****, are focused on hourglass shaped women with smooth skin, perky breasts and tight butts. Is it right? No. Is it sensible? No. But when all of society is shouting that at you day after day, year after year, it has impact.
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My take on it is that a person just looks like a person after awhile, so you have to mate for reasons other than immediate physical attraction. If I were single again, I would only date women mid-40s and up. There's really no point in dating someone that much younger. I have seen it happen and it doesn't work often.
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My take on it is that a person just looks like a person after awhile, so you have to mate for reasons other than immediate physical attraction. If I were single again, I would only date women mid-40s and up. There's really no point in dating someone that much younger. I have seen it happen and it doesn't work often.
Yeah but you have to be physically (sexually) attracted to them first.
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Yeah but you have to be physically (sexually) attracted to them first.
Not a problem over here. I'm sapiosexual I think.
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Online dating sucks.
I've been in 4-5 long-term relationships in my adult life and I can say with certainty that I would not have dated any of them if I were to assess them based on their online profile. I put too much emphasis on a picture or someone's job, whereas in real life pheromones and humour easily trump the superficial.
Also, maybe it's just me and my bad luck, but EVERY SINGLE online date I ever had was nuts. If they're not sending #$% pics or talking filth, they start talking marriage and babies on the first date. Or the complete opposite they are aloof and cold. Not much in between.
I'm sure there are normal people there too, but way too much dirt to sift through to find them.
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On the other hand, I have to say that nature is not kind to women, especially those who have children. They tend to spread out in their middle years more than men. Or maybe mens bodies just handle the additional weight better.
OMG no! Most middle-aged men look like crap. I think you're just seeing the opposite because you're not looking at the men in a sexual way so you're less judgmental about their looks.
Dad-bod is real, and it's not pretty!
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I'm doing the dating thing ... for really the first time in my life, actually... and it has been pretty exasperating so far. I think I am gaining fresh insight into the kind of stress and struggles single men have to deal with.
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Have you ever considered moving to a bigger city?
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OMG no! Most middle-aged men look like crap. I think you're just seeing the opposite because you're not looking at the men in a sexual way so you're less judgmental about their looks.
Dad-bod is real, and it's not pretty!
I will grant you the fact I'm not looking at men in a sexual way. :D
Maybe it's just that society's expectations of men are lower? It seems if a guy can see his **** without bending forward too much he's okay. Women are judged by a harsher standard. But I also think fat tends to accumulate in places which don't matter that much to men, like their hips, whereas fat on a woman's hips looks much worse by society's standards. Also, men don't have much of a problem with breasts suffering from gravity - unless they uhm, actually have breasts.
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My buddy just got separated. Pretty good looking guy, not crazy, nice enough. Found a great age appropriate lady right away.
I hear that the men give up and stop looking, and stop trying.
Don't know about gay men, lesbians... my older lady friends are the ones who told me about middled aged men...
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I will grant you the fact I'm not looking at men in a sexual way. :D
Maybe it's just that society's expectations of men are lower? It seems if a guy can see his **** without bending forward too much he's okay. Women are judged by a harsher standard. But I also think fat tends to accumulate in places which don't matter that much to men, like their hips, whereas fat on a woman's hips looks much worse by society's standards. Also, men don't have much of a problem with breasts suffering from gravity - unless they uhm, actually have breasts.
They get hair in all the wrong places and (some) lose the hair in the right places. They also get fat in the belly which is just as bad as women's lower-body fat.
Also, at least women are usually aware that they need to lose weight, a lot of men think they look great even when they're 30 pounds overweight.
No, I know lots of women my age who have sworn off dating because of the way men let themselves go.
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Have you ever considered moving to a bigger city?
If I were willing to move to Vancouver I could still be with my special girl. That was the breaking point between us. But I hate Vancouver. I just can't stand it.
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Online dating sucks.
All my partners have been people I met in real life and felt strong mutual attraction to. Happy little accidents, as Bob Ross would say. It was pretty easy to meet people when I was working in clubs, and I have actually been thinking of doing that again, but I am getting too old to wear a tank-top at work.
I had an encounter with a sales associate who was pretty and personable and she kept gently touching my hands as she was giving me brochures and I started thinking "this feels like being flirted with..." and I got butterflies and my heart rate increased and before I left I worked up my courage to ask her if she would like to get together sometime. And she was like "Oh! OHHH! Oh, I'm sorry, no," and she was embarrassed and I was even more embarrassed and it was really awkward and I was probably the color of a tomato as I left and kind of wanted to drive off a cliff on the way home.
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If I were willing to move to Vancouver I could still be with my special girl. That was the breaking point between us. But I hate Vancouver. I just can't stand it.
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I'm starting to hate Vancouver too. Mostly because of the thread you started earlier about the unaffordability, otherwise, she's very pretty. I thought I was done having kids and with this little surprise and needing a bigger space, I'm so frustrated with our options. It really shouldn't be like this for two people who grew up in this city and are tied to it.
But digress, I wasn't talking about Vancouver necessarily, I mean any other big city. Calgary, Edmonton, Toronto, even Victoria. One of my lifelong friends lives in a small town on the outskirts of Toronto and for the 20+ years I've known her she's always had such a small sample of women to choose from. And then even when she meets someone it's pretty much a game of musical chairs because all the women are somehow connected to their exes. I always tell her the same thing about going to a bigger city, too. She's been single the majority of the time I've known her but she's happy where she is so I get it. Kinda like how I won't move out of Vancouver even though she's really not serving my lifestyle anymore. :(
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All my partners have been people I met in real life and felt strong mutual attraction to. Happy little accidents, as Bob Ross would say. It was pretty easy to meet people when I was working in clubs, and I have actually been thinking of doing that again, but I am getting too old to wear a tank-top at work.
I had an encounter with a sales associate who was pretty and personable and she kept gently touching my hands as she was giving me brochures and I started thinking "this feels like being flirted with..." and I got butterflies and my heart rate increased and before I left I worked up my courage to ask her if she would like to get together sometime. And she was like "Oh! OHHH! Oh, I'm sorry, no," and she was embarrassed and I was even more embarrassed and it was really awkward and I was probably the color of a tomato as I left and kind of wanted to drive off a cliff on the way home.
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Oh that's a terrible story, but you shouldn't be embarrassed. I get that sales-people are milking it, but being touchy feely is over the top. I would've thought the same thing. Maybe she learns a lesson.
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I had an encounter with a sales associate who was pretty and personable and she kept gently touching my hands as she was giving me brochures and I started thinking "this feels like being flirted with..." and I got butterflies and my heart rate increased and before I left I worked up my courage to ask her if she would like to get together sometime. And she was like "Oh! OHHH! Oh, I'm sorry, no," and she was embarrassed and I was even more embarrassed and it was really awkward and I was probably the color of a tomato as I left and kind of wanted to drive off a cliff on the way home.
I've often thought it must be difficult when you're gay bi, or lesbian, to tell who is or isn't. I know people talk about 'gaydar' but I think that's really only in the more obvious cases. As a straight person you can usually tell within 98% accuracy that that person of the opposite sex is at least into your gender. That's especially so for men given gay women tend to deliberately mark themselves as such by the way they dress, hairstyles, etc. (probably for much that reason). And yes I'm aware that's not unanimous. Living in a more rural area, most women into women probably aren't as open about it either. Though at least a woman sounding out another woman about something like that is a lot less likely to inspire violence compared to a man coming on to another man.
This is why there are still gay/lesbian bars and probably always will be and why they aren't fond of 'tourists'. Of course, who wants to go to one alone?
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Gay/Lesbian bars are dying though.
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But digress, I wasn't talking about Vancouver necessarily, I mean any other big city. Calgary, Edmonton, Toronto, even Victoria. One of my lifelong friends lives in a small town on the outskirts of Toronto and for the 20+ years I've known her she's always had such a small sample of women to choose from. And then even when she meets someone it's pretty much a game of musical chairs because all the women are somehow connected to their exes. I always tell her the same thing about going to a bigger city, too. She's been single the majority of the time I've known her but she's happy where she is so I get it. Kinda like how I won't move out of Vancouver even though she's really not serving my lifestyle anymore. :(
It's a pretty small fishbowl, for sure. I hadn't even considered that a lot of people here are probably interconnected.
I really don't want to move. I like being in a smaller town, actually. I like being near the woods and the mountains and the lake. I have noticed that some of the people looking at my profile have been from larger centers. Maybe if they were interested in moving here rather than vice versa things could work.
Oh that's a terrible story, but you shouldn't be embarrassed. I get that sales-people are milking it, but being touchy feely is over the top. I would've thought the same thing. Maybe she learns a lesson.
I don't think she was intentionally trying to string me along. It probably hadn't even occurred to her that I was interested in her that way. She seemed rather surprised that I had reacted to her that way. In hindsight I think I am mostly to blame for misreading her signals. I am a bit of a narcissist and tend to assume that everybody is into me.
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As a straight person you can usually tell within 98% accuracy that that person of the opposite sex is at least into your gender. That's especially so for men given gay women tend to deliberately mark themselves as such by the way they dress, hairstyles, etc. (probably for much that reason). And yes I'm aware that's not unanimous.
I think that stereotype is pretty outdated. Some of the people I've encountered still present an androgynous style or the stereotypical flat-top haircut and sensible shoes look. But the majority have been quite feminine and you probably wouldn't look twice at them. My partners have all been very girly-girl. Those who present a masculine image are really pretty much the opposite of what attracts me to women in the first place.
Living in a more rural area, most women into women probably aren't as open about it either.
I can definitely see that. In dad's family (who are about as rural as it gets), there's an elderly lady who never married and never had a boyfriend... she was a school teacher, and had a female friend who was also a school teacher, and the two of them always went on vacations together, for decades... I think everybody pretty much knew that they were a couple, but no one ever said so out loud, and they gave no outward sign of it. Like Condoleeza Rice, it was "a known secret". Here in Kim City we do have a bit of a mix here, though. It's a redneck town, but it's also a college town and the only major center in a large rural area, so there is a younger crowd here as well.
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I think that stereotype is pretty outdated. Some of the people I've encountered still present an androgynous style or the stereotypical flat-top haircut and sensible shoes look. But the majority have been quite feminine and you probably wouldn't look twice at them. My partners have all been very girly-girl. Those who present a masculine image are really pretty much the opposite of what attracts me to women in the first place.
I'm told those are called lipstick lesbians. As opposed to say Diesel Dykes. There are, evidently, whole sub-categories of lesbianism. Then thee are the bisexuals. One of my friends is one. I asked her once how she could tell who was and wasn't into girls and she just said all of the girls she'd had relationships with were friends before they started a relationship. Which, of course gives more time to understand how people feel about same-same relationships, and whether they are so-inclined.
Here in Kim City we do have a bit of a mix here, though. It's a redneck town, but it's also a college town and the only major center in a large rural area, so there is a younger crowd here as well.
College is a time for experimenting... :-P
But you're looking for something longer term, I suspect.
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In the FWIW department, an ex- boyfriend said he had little problem finding sexual partners with alternative interests in precisely the town I believe you are located. By alternative, I mean bi, gay, kinky.
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In the FWIW department, an ex- boyfriend said he had little problem finding sexual partners with alternative interests in precisely the town I believe you are located. By alternative, I mean bi, gay, kinky.
I don't think that's what she's looking for.
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The problem isn't so much that there isn't anybody out there, it's that those that are out there are just not what I'm looking for. So far I have encountered...
-couples, couples, couples. The majority of contacts I'm getting have been messages from couples. "heeeyyy, we're a fit and sexy couple looking for a sexy lady to join us for sexy fun, no strings attached." **** off. Not interested in being a sex accessory.
-women who look like Sean Hannity, Ezra Levant, or Julia Sweeney's "Pat" character. no no no. If I wanted to date someone who looks like an unattractive dude, I would find an unattractive dude. I'm sure they're very nice people, but ugh. Does that make me shallow? I feel bad about this.
-"I am separated from my husband and I'm not actually looking for a sexual relationship, but I feel really connected to women, and I saw this video on the internet and it was so sensual that I just felt like I knew that I want to have a relationship with a woman..." This was the gist of my first and only date with someone I met off the website. Chick, you're not looking for a girlfriend. You're looking for a BFF. Go away.
It has been tough going so far.
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(https://i.imgur.com/bApGnKf.jpg)
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The problem isn't so much that there isn't anybody out there, it's that those that are out there are just not what I'm looking for. So far I have encountered...
-couples, couples, couples. The majority of contacts I'm getting have been messages from couples. "heeeyyy, we're a fit and sexy couple looking for a sexy lady to join us for sexy fun, no strings attached." **** off. Not interested in being a sex accessory.
-women who look like Sean Hannity, Ezra Levant, or Julia Sweeney's "Pat" character. no no no. If I wanted to date someone who looks like an unattractive dude, I would find an unattractive dude. I'm sure they're very nice people, but ugh. Does that make me shallow? I feel bad about this.
-"I am separated from my husband and I'm not actually looking for a sexual relationship, but I feel really connected to women, and I saw this video on the internet and it was so sensual that I just felt like I knew that I want to have a relationship with a woman..." This was the gist of my first and only date with someone I met off the website. Chick, you're not looking for a girlfriend. You're looking for a BFF. Go away.
It has been tough going so far.
-k
Nope doesn’t make you shallow, I’d say careful. It’s your time, happiness, and satisfaction.
And as the resident redneck here’s my take on things:
I am a prude, some of my friends are, and some engage in stereotypical locker talk
A large proportion of rural people could care less about sexual orientation, who is promiscuous, etc. It’s one of the if it’s not a problem, don’t make it a problem things. It irks me that when the media is hyping up this subject matter, they scour some church and drag out the rural person who has an axe to grind that makes everyone else look like an ****.
In my opinion there are jerks everywhere that feel that they have to know everyone’s business and feel that they have to meddle in affairs.
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**** off. Not interested in being a sex accessory.
And there is the difference between men and women. Most men would love the job!
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I got a couple of solid flirts Saturday night. Harmless stuff, but it feels good to get a compliment. I could be misreading one of them who is/was a married lesbian, but we get on well and she seemed to go out of her way to tell me she's sapiosexual. Heart flutters.
Bigger problem then the lesbian part, and the fact that we're both married is that she is from Alberta. >:(
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I got a couple of solid flirts Saturday night. Harmless stuff, but it feels good to get a compliment. I could be misreading one of them who is/was a married lesbian, but we get on well and she seemed to go out of her way to tell me she's sapiosexual. Heart flutters.
Bigger problem then the lesbian part, and the fact that we're both married is that she is from Alberta. >:(
So you're ok that you're both married, and that she's a lesbian while you're male... but you can't get past her being an Albertan??
:'(
Maybe this is the real reason I am having trouble meeting anyone.
-k
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I really hope that I get to take part in sex culture tonight...
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So you're ok that you're both married, and that she's a lesbian while you're male... but you can't get past her being an Albertan??
It's a Burner thing. I think we probably have a light mutual crush, mostly based on my admiration for her ambition and skills. She organizes huge projects. But the farthest this would go would be us batting our eyes at each other.
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I really hope that I get to take part in sex culture tonight...
Bwaaaah hah hah...
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Bwaaaah hah hah...
FYI, I did.
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Please. No. We aren't there yet.
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The problem isn't so much that there isn't anybody out there, it's that those that are out there are just not what I'm looking for.
Don’t worry about it and don’t look too hard for it.... and never settle.
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Maybe this is the real reason I am having trouble meeting anyone.
-k
There's always f*&%k buddies til you do.... :D
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There's always f*&%k buddies til you do.... :D
This is what I want! The BFF with benefits, like Cosmo was talking about. That was basically the last 10 years of my life. I want that back.
(https://i.imgur.com/bApGnKf.jpg)
-k
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It's a Burner thing. I think we probably have a light mutual crush, mostly based on my admiration for her ambition and skills. She organizes huge projects. But the farthest this would go would be us batting our eyes at each other.
Have you discussed your ideas regarding generic wheat-squares breakfast cereal with her?
-k
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Everytime we have a discussion we end up scrambling down the rabbit hole together
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Everytime we have a discussion we end up scrambling down the rabbit hole together
So it starts off with generic wheat squares then spirals out of control into Subarus, sensible shoes, rugby, and flat-top haircuts?
-k
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So it starts off with generic wheat squares then spirals out of control into Subarus, sensible shoes, rugby, and flat-top haircuts?
-k
What, no bondage?
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So it starts off with generic wheat squares then spirals out of control into Subarus, sensible shoes, rugby, and flat-top haircuts?
-k
THOSE ARE CLICHES. She does have that kind of haircut though.
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So it starts off with generic wheat squares then spirals out of control into Subarus, sensible shoes, rugby, and flat-top haircuts?
-k
Rugby? I thought lesbians played softball.
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Rugby? I thought lesbians played softball.
A few years back we had this 20yo girl at the office who was from northern Ontario. She was a real tomboy and very into sports. I mean, if you squeeze her arm it was like a tree root. She also had a bit of a deep voice. Anyway, she joined a softball team, and then quit, because it seemed almost everyone on it was a lesbian. Like most young liberalish women she didn't have a problem with lesbians per se, but they all seemed to believe she was hiding her gayness and she felt kind of like a sheep among a pack of coyotes.
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Yeah, and ... well I can't cast judgement on someone I will never meet but I have had people like this in my life and they were in denial.
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A few years back we had this 20yo girl at the office who was from northern Ontario. She was a real tomboy and very into sports. I mean, if you squeeze her arm it was like a tree root. She also had a bit of a deep voice. Anyway, she joined a softball team, and then quit, because it seemed almost everyone on it was a lesbian. Like most young liberalish women she didn't have a problem with lesbians per se, but they all seemed to believe she was hiding her gayness and she felt kind of like a sheep among a pack of coyotes.
Hey, was she brown skinned? If so I bet I can guess who one of the coyotes was.
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Yeah, and ... well I can't cast judgement on someone I will never meet but I have had people like this in my life and they were in denial.
No, she was straight. The other girls in the office said she was a real party hearty girl outside the office. She went back to northern Ontario where she became, believe it or not, the hottest gravedigger in North America, maybe in the world, at least for a time. Then she managed a small office. Last I heard she married a cop (male) and has two kids.
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Rugby? I thought lesbians played softball.
Hockey, apparently...
http://slam.canoe.com/Slam/Hockey/2017/11/13/22764740.html
MONTREAL — Two former opponents in the biggest rivalry in women’s hockey are now proud parents.
Caroline Ouellette, Canada’s captain at the 2014 Winter Games in Sochi, and Julie Chu, who captained the Americans from 2011 to 2013, announced the birth of their daughter on social media Monday.
Ouellette said Liv Chu-Ouellette was born Nov. 5.
“Julie and I welcomed to the world our beautiful daughter Liv,” Ouellette, who carried the baby, wrote on Instagram. “I feel truly blessed to experience this incredible adventure with my love and best friend Julie.
“It was a happy pregnancy for us.”
-k
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omg omg
omg
Exciting things may be in the works!
-k
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Well, well. Trust the universe to provide, I guess. ;)
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omg omg
omg
Exciting things may be in the works!
-k
I remember that feeling!
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Girls are stupid and dumb. :(
-k
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I find the bad ones crazy & drama more than anything.
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Riiiight....
Say no to this... in any way....
I dare you.
(https://i.pinimg.com/originals/84/df/90/84df908e56c7e4254477c7ca310568d6.jpg)
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Girls are stupid and dumb. :(
-k
Quoted simply for truth.
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Riiiight....
Say no to this... in any way....
I dare you.
No.
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Riiiight....
Say no to this... in any way....
I dare you.
Who the hell is her decorator!?!?
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Who the hell is her decorator!?!?
Bra matches the drapes.
Seriously, I posted a prurient image but to illustrate an intellectual point: intellectual points are inferior to prurient images and human reality.
No matter how much of an argument you present, my heart and loins will trump it and find a way to make my brain lie.
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I am attracted to strong character, larger framed women... (and now that we're mixing with the normie set there are lots of those around but I digress) I'm not slight but I was in my formative years.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q0zmfNx7OM4
Schopenhauer believed opposites attract. Do you ?
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Couples will usually have one partner who is more dominant and one who is more passive/submissive. Not always, but much of the time. A more passive person is often attracted to someone more dominant and vice versa. People are also often attracted to personalities similar to their parent of the opposite sex (or if you're gay, of the parent of the same sex).
MH you're not a dominant person, so you like a strong confident personality who can take the lead in life and in the bedroom. In other words, you're submissive and like to be dominated in the sack.
Most women are submissive, which is why they are often attracted to dominant a-holes, much to the confusion of their friends/family and other men.
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Very interesting until you missed the field goal trying to assess what I am like in bed based on how I post...
Well, uh ???
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Couples will usually have one partner who is more dominant and one who is more passive/submissive. Not always, but much of the time. A more passive person is often attracted to someone more dominant and vice versa. People are also often attracted to personalities similar to their parent of the opposite sex (or if you're gay, of the parent of the same sex).
MH you're not a dominant person, so you like a strong confident personality who can take the lead in life and in the bedroom. In other words, you're submissive and like to be dominated in the sack.
Most women are submissive, which is why they are often attracted to dominant a-holes, much to the confusion of their friends/family and other men.
Any actual factual evidence to back all these assumptions?
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Very interesting until you missed the field goal trying to assess what I am like in bed based on how I post...
Well, uh ???
I assessed what you like based on what you just said you liked. What i said is your posting style reflects this. You said you like women of strong character who are larger framed. In other words, you like dominant women. Am I wrong?
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Any actual factual evidence to back all these assumptions?
Here's one about women liking bad boys: https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/evolution-the-self/201204/why-do-women-fall-serial-killers
Also, see Freud.
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Here's one about women liking bad boys: https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/evolution-the-self/201204/why-do-women-fall-serial-killers
It's an interesting dynamic of the "caring female" and the "bad boy male", where you will many times see the former trying to "save" or "reform" the bad boy because she knows deep down he has a good heart, like these women who fall for serial killers, or abusive men. I've seen this dynamic many times from people in my life. Per the woman falling for the serial killer from article above:
- their love can transform the convict: from cunning and cruel, to caring, concerned, and compassionate.
- there’s a wounded child nested somewhere inside the killer that can be healed through a devoted nurturance that only they can provide.
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Am I wrong?
Dominant is not the same as strong. I would say that I don't like 'dominant women'.
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Here's one about women liking bad boys: https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/evolution-the-self/201204/why-do-women-fall-serial-killers
Also, see Freud.
As your article points out these women have a misguided aspiration that they can conform these men into: their love can transform the convict: from cunning and cruel, to caring, concerned, and compassionate.
there’s a wounded child nested somewhere inside the killer that can be healed through a devoted nurturance that only they can provide.
or they're simply so narcisstic they want to share the spotlight.
I've known a lot of women in my day everything from family to school teachers, doctors, to workmates to lovers as well as good friends. Luckily non I recall carried any of these characteristics. And non envied serial killers.
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Schopenhauer believed opposites attract. Do you ?
Sometimes yes, in some ways. Like as I was saying, strong dominant personalities are often attracted to more laid back people and vice versa.
2 strong personalities can fight a lot, and 2 people who are too laid back won't get anything done lol. Very strong personalities can be difficult to deal with, and sometimes the people who can put up with them over the long term are the laid back types who have a lot of patience. We often tend to settle with people who can put up with our bullshit.
For opposites, male is opposite to female, so that works. I think it might be an evolutionary thing. It seems to work well when we partner with people who have the qualities we lack, and vice versa. This makes for a good team that can successful raise a family.
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Dominant is not the same as strong. I would say that I don't like 'dominant women'.
Well depends how you define "dominant" i guess. "Dominant" in sexuality usually means someone who likes to take the lead.
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Well depends how you define "dominant" i guess. "Dominant" in sexuality usually means someone who likes to take the lead.
Depends how you define "strong" I guess. "Strong" as relates to sexuality usually means they like to have a lot of sex, not that they need to be "dominant" in doing so.
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Another topic: it's funny how men usually like large-breasted women, which is rooted in evolutionary psychology where larger breasted women are able to provide more milk to an infant for survival.
Most men also like a large waist-to-hip ratio. Small waist means female is fit and healthy, while wider hips relates to fertility and the female will more easily bare children during birth (less chance of death/complications?).
https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/beastly-behavior/201706/the-relationship-between-waist-hip-ratio-and-fertility
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Well depends how you define "dominant" i guess. "Dominant" in sexuality usually means someone who likes to take the lead.
So I guess my point still stands, with your definition. I have usually ended up with roughly equals.
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Another topic: it's funny how men usually like large-breasted women, which is rooted in evolutionary psychology where larger breasted women are able to provide more milk to an infant for survival.
Most men also like a large waist-to-hip ratio. Small waist means female is fit and healthy, while wider hips relates to fertility and the female will more easily bare children during birth (less chance of death/complications?).
https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/beastly-behavior/201706/the-relationship-between-waist-hip-ratio-and-fertility
Do you actually think men who like big boobs do so because they are thinking about how well a potential baby could be fed? Funny.
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Do you actually think men who like big boobs do so because they are thinking about how well a potential baby could be fed? Funny.
No, it's completely unconscious.
Men also love to suck on nipples, i wonder if there's something Freudian about that.
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the female will more easily bare children during birth
I would think the female was more focused on bearing her child, than removing the clothing from her other children.
bear - give birth to
bare - remove clothing
* note there are many alternative definitions for both words as well.
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I would think the female was more focused on bearing her child, than removing the clothing from her other children.
bear - give birth to
bare - remove clothing
* note there are many alternative definitions for both words as well.
I was under the impression that most babies were bare as they were born. I know I was.
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No, it's completely unconscious.
Men also love to suck on nipples, i wonder if there's something Freudian about that.
My appreciation of the shapes of women certainly isn't from my unconscious. My conscious may affect my unconscious and therefore fire up some erotic dreams while I sleep.
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My appreciation of the shapes of women certainly isn't from my unconscious. My conscious may affect my unconscious and therefore fire up some erotic dreams while I sleep.
What i'm saying is we don't typically control what we're attracted to. Desire for big boobs comes from the unconscious. I like them and I don't know why. the only explanation I can think of is evolutionary psychology.
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What i'm saying is we don't typically control what we're attracted to. Desire for big boobs comes from the unconscious. I like them and I don't know why. the only explanation I can think of is evolutionary psychology.
I disagree. I used to be attracted to cigarettes and now I can tell you there is not an orifice in my body dirty enough to stick one of those things. I like big boobs too but it has nothing to do with some ancient memory of having been breast fed as a baby.
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What i'm saying is we don't typically control what we're attracted to. Desire for big boobs comes from the unconscious. I like them and I don't know why. the only explanation I can think of is evolutionary psychology.
Why do some cultures like certain kinds of food that Canadians would generally find repulsive? In the nature vs. nurture debate, I would say those many years I spent in school influenced my desire for big boobs - middle school probably being the most influential. I don't think it is entirely a one sided debate, but we shouldn't ignore the other side as well.
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I disagree. I used to be attracted to cigarettes and now I can tell you there is not an orifice in my body dirty enough to stick one of those things.
You were sexually attracted to cigarettes and you would stick them in different orifices? I kid, i kid. Sexual attraction is different from other types of attraction.
I like big boobs too but it has nothing to do with some ancient memory of having been breast fed as a baby.
It's a hardwired unconscious desire for more fertile mates. Some guys prefer smaller boobs though. My friend does, and his mom has smaller jugs, which might have some Freudian connection.
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You were sexually attracted to cigarettes and you would stick them in different orifices? I kid, i kid. Sexual attraction is different from other types of attraction.
It's a hardwired unconscious desire for more fertile mates. Some guys prefer smaller boobs though. My friend does, and his mom has smaller jugs, which might have some Freudian connection.
Such things may be hard wired and unconscious for you, but not for me. I have had relationships over the years with various shaped women. They have appealed to me not primarily because of the shapes of their bodies, but rather were we both sincere as to why we wanted to be with each other.
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They have appealed to me not primarily because of the shapes of their bodies, but rather were we both sincere as to why we wanted to be with each other.
Yeah me too. But the 4th post on page 9... women who look like that make my voice quaver...