How could I blame you when I'd way rather be cuddling up to a cute girl than some hairy bastard with dangling bits myself? But you're not gay. You're just confused. It's because you've been exposed to too many girlymen. Have you ever dated a real man? A man who can chew glass and carpet tacks and crap them out without even flinching? Those are the real men you need! One time will be all it will take to send you fleeing from those leather bars, and swearing off those overweight girls with brush cuts and mustaches forever.
I hear this sort of thing a lot, from guys who are jealous that I get more chicks than they do.
Don't give up, Argus. You plant that kale and bring the Lord into your heart, and you'll find someone.
-k
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