Well, I have to agree with you here. I'm sure I wouldn't have turned homo if modern men weren't so lame. I'd probably be making babies. But when you look around and see all these skinny hipsters with the man-bun and the lumberjack beards, can you really blame me?
How could I blame you when I'd way rather be cuddling up to a cute girl than some hairy bastard with dangling bits myself? But you're not gay. You're just confused. It's because you've been exposed to too many girlymen. Have you ever dated a real man? A man who can chew glass and carpet tacks and crap them out without even flinching? Those are the real men you need! One time will be all it will take to send you fleeing from those leather bars, and swearing off those overweight girls with brush cuts and mustaches forever.
If you get a chance, watch a documentary called "Fight Club", about a guy named Tyler Durden who started a club for men trying to rediscover masculinity. It's really fascinating.
Those weren't real men, Kimmy. And that wasn't a real documentary. I understand that blondes get confused about such things, but the real clue is that Ed Norton didn't have a single hair on his chest. Real men have hairy chests, Kimmy, like bears and lesbians (which is why you were tempted to the dark side in your confusion).
This might sound prejudiced, but being from Alberta my experience is that cowboy hats are mostly worn by poseurs. You find somebody wearing a cowboy hat, you usually find you're dealing with some Calgary cowboy who wears his cowboy hat and his little bolo tie, and cowboy boots that have never walked on dirt.
You aren't mistaken there about city cowboys. You need to get yourself a country cowboy like that Roy Moore fellow in Alabama, a strong, sexy man who'll set you right! And he does look fine in a cowboy hat!
Ok so first off, steer clear of the Russian mail order brides. She will stay with you just long enough to get legal status in Canada. Then she will be out the door (probably with everything she can carry, plus anything she can embezzle out of your bank accounts.
A little spanking will set her aright and show her who's boss. She'll mind her Ps and Qs after that. Women like that sort of thing. It lets them know where boundaries are. It's like taming a good horse. Put the lash to them if they get out of line and they'll know who's master and be happier for it.
Steer clear of the Russian girls. If you are longing for a peaceful easy feeling, you should find yourself a nice Filipino or Laotian girl. You know why the care homes are full of Filipino care aides? Because they're loving and caring (and willing to work for $11/hour.) I hear nothing but good things.
Well, there is that, but I mean, if we're to preserve the 'species' we need to stick to proper racial mixes.
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