Canadian Politics Today

You don't understand the whole point of alcohol, Kimmy, because you're single and female. Alcohol was invented to help men relax from the  hard, stressful days of work earning the money for the food, clothing and shelter for themselves and their wives and kids. As long as its used for this proper purpose it doesn't cause any harm. Plus bars and taverns  provide jobs for women who are too fat and ugly to find men to take care of them. Or who have nagged their men so much that the men leave them despite the men having alcohol to help drown out the nagging.

See there's your problem. And perhaps the problem of all modern men.  A man shouldn't feel stressed after a hard day of work, he should feel the fatigue and contentment of a hard day working the soil.  Today's silly jobs-- shuffling papers around, pushing buttons on a computer-- just aren't fulfilling for men. That's why they are all sitting at home playing computer games and wishing they had something meaningful to do instead of pushing buttons and shuffling papers all day. Put down the chicken tendies, put down the joystick, and get out there and lead a fulfilling life. Sell all those stocks and bonds, and buy land and a tractor, and start planting.  Kale seems popular right now, give that a shot.  Plow your field, work the soil, plant your crop.  And when you get back to your homestead, instead of reaching for the bourbon, reach for your Bible and start reading.  Prayer and reflection, not alcohol, are what you need to get you through the challenges life puts in your path.  This is what's wrong with men these days. When my male friends say "why can't I find a decent woman?" I ask them "well, how much kale did you harvest this fall?" And they say "huh?" and I say "exactly. That's why you can't find a decent woman."  That's what's wrong with men these days.  Grumpy, bitter conservatives. Whiny, entitled leftists. The angry little wimps of the alt-right. All of them. What have all these unhappy men got in commin? Lack of purpose. I assure you, when your first crop comes off your own field, you'll understand why you're here. You'll find the fulfillment you were supposed to feel from your life. And when you rediscover that inner light, women will see it and they will be drawn to it like a beacon. Women, Argus. Not girls. Women, with big wide birthing hips. When you find your purpose, your mate will be drawn to you. You'll be farming not just crops, but also family, faith, and love.

 -k