Author Topic: Personal Stuff  (Read 13788 times)

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Offline MH

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1320 on: October 30, 2020, 10:55:59 am »
Everybody had ample space. We were at a table of our own. It wasn't a superspreader event. Good grief.

 -k

Good grief YOU !

Shame on you for assuming I'm asking for corvid/covid reasons  :D

I'm a theatre buff and I wanna know how big the halls are in central BC or wherever...

Offline kimmy

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1321 on: October 31, 2020, 05:12:45 pm »
Good grief YOU !

Shame on you for assuming I'm asking for corvid/covid reasons  :D



I'm a theatre buff and I wanna know how big the halls are in central BC or wherever...

Not a huge room.  The front area closest to the stage has maybe 8 or 10 tables that seat up to 6. The rest of the room is movie theatre style seating. There's maybe 10 rows that are maybe 16 seats wide.  If it wasn't for covid restrictions I am guessing they could cram close to 200 people in there.


 -k
Masked for your safety.

Offline MH

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1322 on: October 31, 2020, 07:03:30 pm »


Not a huge room.  The front area closest to the stage has maybe 8 or 10 tables that seat up to 6. The rest of the room is movie theatre style seating. There's maybe 10 rows that are maybe 16 seats wide.  If it wasn't for covid restrictions I am guessing they could cram close to 200 people in there.


 -k

Still pretty small.

I meant to 'thumbs up' your post btw so my bad.  I give somebody an 'angry face' on FB today by accident too, for wishing Easy happy birthday.

I'm a dunce.
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Offline cybercoma

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1323 on: November 08, 2020, 09:40:50 pm »
Sooo....what's everyone's thoughts on open relationships and polyamoury?  :D

Offline MH

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1324 on: November 08, 2020, 09:50:03 pm »
I know lots of people who do it.

The key is clarity and communication, apparently.

Offline the_squid

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1325 on: November 08, 2020, 10:22:41 pm »
Sooo....what's everyone's thoughts on open relationships and polyamoury?  :D

You asking for a friend?
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Offline JuniperRose

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1326 on: November 09, 2020, 08:56:16 am »
I used to live that lifestyle  and I've known quite a few  people who've done it,  almost all of them are now with new partners or single.  The ones who navigate these relationships successfully are really dedicated to honest communication, and treating each other with respect and kindness.  Jealousy and insecurity are valid emotions, and need to be acknowledged when they come up, but not allowed to control the people in the relationship.   Trusting each other also extremely important and good faith negotiation of time/activities/sexual safety.

Done right, it can be a rewarding lifestyle.  Done wrong, devastating.  There are groups who offer social support and education, especially in larger centers.

For me personally, I enjoyed the experience but found the effort of managing more than one romantic relationship tiring.   My ideal would have been a live-in situation, but ultimately things did not work out since my partner failed in the "honesty" department.
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Offline MH

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1327 on: November 09, 2020, 09:08:55 am »
... ultimately things did not work out since my partner failed in the "honesty" department.

How so ?

I knew someone in a relationship like this and they ended up getting lied to... but why ?  It's already out there - what is there to lie about ?

Another person was in a relationship with a couple and was getting treated poorly by one of the couple... ignored.  They went to the other for information... and didn't get an honest answer.  WTF so complicated.

Offline JuniperRose

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1328 on: November 09, 2020, 09:45:47 am »
How so ?

He was gaslighting me in ways big and small for years, and when he met a particular woman, the gaslighting increased exponentially along with verbal abuse, so I had no choice but to realize something was wrong, even if I didn'tknow what, exactly. 

I don't know when exactly he decided he wanted to move on, but he had to wait till he found his next love, so he wouldn't be alone, and then he had to arrange it so that I left, rather than him dumping me.  This was important for him to retain face with our social group, in which he was sonething of a "name".

Took me a while to figure this all out, at the time it was just confusing and painful (undestatement of the year). Now I feel stupid for falling for him in the first place. 

But until the last lady showed up, I did enjoy the poly aspect of our relationshop.

Offline MH

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1329 on: November 09, 2020, 10:24:36 am »
1. He was gaslighting me in ways big and small for years, and when he met a particular woman, the gaslighting increased exponentially along with verbal abuse, so I had no choice but to realize something was wrong, even if I didn'tknow what, exactly. 

 
2. Took me a while to figure this all out, at the time it was just confusing and painful (undestatement of the year). Now I feel stupid for falling for him in the first place. 

3. But until the last lady showed up, I did enjoy the poly aspect of our relationshop.

1. Why would he do that if your relationship was open though ?
2. Sorry  :(
3. Why was it enjoyable ?

Offline eyeball

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1330 on: November 09, 2020, 10:38:31 am »
I don't get it. I mean I get the desire for more sex with different people but not another relationship. Maybe it's the tendency towards minimalism in my life maybe it's having to adapt to COVID and my apparent early retirement. I've been clearing out a lot of hoarded junk the last few months, old fishing gear and such that have piled up like old regrets.  I need another relationship like I need the old boat I have out in the back 40.

I was able to recycle and incorporate a few old curios like a winch boom into the tree fort I've been building with my grandkids.  I like grandkids, they're uncomplicated. They relate to me because I'm the bad Papa that drives up and down logging roads with them in the back of the pick-up and doesn't mind if they wave fire-sticks around the fire. 
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Offline JuniperRose

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1331 on: November 09, 2020, 11:22:12 am »
1. Why would he do that if your relationship was open though ?
2. Sorry  :(
3. Why was it enjoyable ?

1.  They were ready to move in together after a couple of months, I wanted to go more slowly.  When I still wasn't ready by month 3, he began the more intense gaslighting etc.  Also, what became apparent to me after a while was that new girl much preferred monogamy; he refused to see (or maybe acknowledge) this.  I became the "bad guy" for questioning new girl's motives and wanting to slow down on co-habitation.

2.  I'm better off now; took me a while to realize how pervasive the lying and gaslighting were throughout the relationship, so hard as it was, it was for the best.

3.  Through this experience, I found out that I was more interested in a closed 1-man, 2-woman relationship than having multiple boyfriend(s) on the side.  We had a few successes like that, and I found it really fun and satisfying because of the three-way relationship.  I don't have any sexual jealousy, so I was fine with alone time for them and also enjoyed it when it was all three of us. 

You might be wondering why those other relationships didn't progress.  One was because she lived/worked in another town and didn't want to move; another was married and a third saw the issues with my partner that I didn't see, so extracted herself. 

Attention and quality time was an issue for me, though and he never seemed to understand that, so that was a challenge that we struggled with.   Still, I have good memories about most of the women we interacted with and am still friends with some of them.  Overall, I'm glad of the expetience. 
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Offline JuniperRose

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1332 on: November 09, 2020, 12:01:47 pm »
1.  I don't get it. I mean I get the desire for more sex with different people but not another relationship.

2. Maybe it's the tendency towards minimalism in my life maybe it's having to adapt to COVID and my apparent early retirement. I've been clearing out a lot of hoarded junk the last few months, old fishing gear and such that have piled up like old regrets.  I need another relationship like I need the old boat I have out in the back 40.

I was able to recycle and incorporate a few old curios like a winch boom into the tree fort I've been building with my grandkids.  I like grandkids, they're uncomplicated. They relate to me because I'm the bad Papa that drives up and down logging roads with them in the back of the pick-up and doesn't mind if they wave fire-sticks around the fire.

1.  I don't get the interest in sex with different people; maybe because BTDT.   I didn't like the effort involved in having to set up times/dates with different people, but I liked having a relationship with them.  Probably part of why I wanted to develop a live-in situation, eventually.

2.  I'm an introvert, too, so again why the idea of a closed, live-in situation was my personal ideal.  I really liked having that 'other woman' in our life, it was often really fun.  And there were times when I really appreciated her availability for things I either wanted to do and he didn't, or didn't want to do and he did - she could do it, and I could enjoy alone time.  Plus, my libido was lower than his so he could get all the sex he wanted, and I could sleep alone - something else I really like to do from time to time.   It may be that because we never did get to the level of living together with another woman, I had a rather romantic view of how it could all unfold, but at the time it seemed doable and a very inviting goal.  And in my experience, most poly people are more of the multiple-partners each, so finding that perfect fit might have been extremely difficult.  My partner today does not have any interest in any kind of poly, although I did try to persuade him it might be fun when we first got together.  And as I get older, the effort involved in developing another relationship seems too daunting, anyway, so we're all good here.  :)

3.  Yes, your grandkids are lucky to have such a great grandpa.  :)

Offline BC_cheque

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1333 on: November 09, 2020, 05:36:30 pm »
It's not for me, but I can see the appeal of it for people who aren't into monogamy.  A lot of people seem to want one way monogamy where they can do what they want but get jealous when their partner has eyes for someone else.  If people can find like-minded partners, good for everyone.

Personally, I have a difficult time finding even one person I like yet alone two or three. 

Offline eyeball

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1334 on: November 09, 2020, 05:38:37 pm »
1.  I don't get the interest in sex with different people; maybe because BTDT.
Wishful frustrated thinking on my part maybe.

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2.  I'm an introvert, too, so again why the idea of a closed, live-in situation was my personal ideal.  I really liked having that 'other woman' in our life, it was often really fun.  And there were times when I really appreciated her availability for things I either wanted to do and he didn't, or didn't want to do and he did - she could do it, and I could enjoy alone time.
I can grok that, we live on the same property under different roofs (I'm out in the back 40 too). I'm pretty sure another woman or even a man in our life would be a non-starter.

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Plus, my libido was lower than his so he could get all the sex he wanted, and I could sleep alone - something else I really like to do from time to time.   It may be that because we never did get to the level of living together with another woman, I had a rather romantic view of how it could all unfold, but at the time it seemed doable and a very inviting goal.  And in my experience, most poly people are more of the multiple-partners each, so finding that perfect fit might have been extremely difficult.  My partner today does not have any interest in any kind of poly, although I did try to persuade him it might be fun when we first got together. 
This libido thing seems to be pretty common.  I often feel like I'm in an old Neil Young song..."someone to cook the dinner, do the dishes and go away..."   

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And as I get older, the effort involved in developing another relationship seems too daunting, anyway, so we're all good here.  :)
I have a friend my age who is struggling with teenage kids that my kids babysat. I feel for MH.

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3.  Yes, your grandkids are lucky to have such a great grandpa.  :)
I'm the luckier one.