Author Topic: Personal Stuff  (Read 13733 times)

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Offline SirJohn

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #240 on: September 22, 2018, 03:08:56 pm »
Big storm locally, tore up a bunch of houses and buildings, tore the **** out of the electric grid. Half the city was down, and much of it still is.
I was down about 24hrs. Had heat and lights, but no computer so no work. Need to get battery backup for my laptop and router if I can get my idiot brother in law to explain which of them I should buy (electrician). The roads have been in chaos since yesterday because there's no street lights. Every hotel that has power is fully booked. My brother came here to recharge his phone, a 20 minute drive. Took two hours. Some people won't get power back for days.
"When liberals insist that only fascists will defend borders then voters will hire fascists to do the job liberals won't do." David Frum
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Offline ?Impact

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #241 on: September 22, 2018, 03:44:45 pm »
Yes, the wind was howling very loudly in Montreal late last night and into the early hours. No power outage here, perhaps all that investment since the ice storm 20 years ago paid off. The neighbours deck chairs were blown around, but I didn't see a lot of damage; maybe the wind reduced somewhat as it headed east. I havn't watched the local news, so perhaps other parts of the city didn't fare as well.

Offline Omni

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #242 on: September 22, 2018, 03:48:51 pm »
Yes.  I have offered her some space and time here but she declined because she wants to be independent.

Well let's hope with a little time she will reconsider and take you up on the offer. Bless you for providing it.
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guest4

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #243 on: September 22, 2018, 04:37:55 pm »
Well let's hope with a little time she will reconsider and take you up on the offer. Bless you for providing it.

Thanks. 

Offline MH

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #244 on: September 22, 2018, 04:42:00 pm »
Good luck everyone with today's challenges.   :-\

Offline MH

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #245 on: September 28, 2018, 06:22:41 am »

My new job is very strange.  I found out my boss was born 202 days after I started my first job !  :o

I'm very busy, but the new management style (called 'Agile') means your deadlines are constant, every 2 weeks, and so you don't have big stressful deadlines on the horizon.  It's just a constant hum of work, which is more like what regular people (ie. people who don't do projects) have in the way of work.  It's also more collaborate and... ahem.. empowering.  And it's really about 50-50 women and 'diverse'.  I'm the classic Canadian part of the diversity mix.

Of course, I took about a $20-$40K hit to take this job but... it's regular work and a giant recession may well be coming.  With baby 6 weeks away I need a regular paycheck.  Still, it's hard to see emails from recruiters offering far north of $200K  >:( >:(.  All this and we still can't afford a house believe it or not.

BUT.... baby seems pretty healthy, Joanie is off work now and we started the baby course at Mt. Sinai.  (The black lady who gave us the delivery ward tour struggled to explain what a 'Sabbath' elevator was  ;D  "It's a religious elevator..." )  You can't leave the hospital with a baby without showing them a baby car seat, even if you don't own a car !

HOW YOU DOIN' ?
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Offline ?Impact

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #246 on: September 28, 2018, 11:23:47 am »
I'm very busy, but the new management style (called 'Agile') means your deadlines are constant, every 2 weeks, and so you don't have big stressful deadlines on the horizon.  It's just a constant hum of work, which is more like what regular people (ie. people who don't do projects) have in the way of work.  It's also more collaborate and... ahem.. empowering.

That sounds interesting. Certainly the biggest work stress seems to be having too many projects with competing priorities and trying to balance them. Not sure how effective 'Agile' management may be in different scenarios, but might be worth exploring.

Offline MH

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #247 on: September 28, 2018, 05:51:24 pm »
That sounds interesting. Certainly the biggest work stress seems to be having too many projects with competing priorities and trying to balance them. Not sure how effective 'Agile' management may be in different scenarios, but might be worth exploring.

Well, for one thing you get ONE task to work on at a time.  You estimate it, and you pledge to get your tasks done within a two week timeframe. 

Offline kimmy

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #248 on: September 29, 2018, 07:08:49 pm »
I have a new co-worker.   He worked with my other bosses back in the stone age, and recently retired from his long-time job. He is now joining us on a semi-full time basis for something to do, I guess.  He no doubt brings a wealth of information, experience, and contacts.  He will be a valuable addition, if I don't murder him.

The past week has brought a steady diet of unintentionally condescending patter, unintentionally patronizing remarks, stale jokes, and daily reminders that he's "on his best behavior" now that he's "sharing the office with a lady."  Like, my presence is a burden that prevents him from being himself.  He'd probably tell cruder jokes....they'd still be stale, but they'd be cruder.  I've already received a "you'd make somebody a great wife!" and a "how'd a girl like you stay single?" and I'm sure he'll offer to set me up with his idiot nephew at some point.  It could be worse. He's an unwitting boor, but at least he's not a deliberate pig. 



One of the bartenders I see a lot has been very flirty the last few times I've been through.  She's very ... sensual. The way she walks, the way she leans over the bar when she talks to you, the way she stands while she's mixing a drink... somehow everything she does just seems suggestive.  Monday she came and sat in the stool next to me and leaned into my personal space while she asked about my day, about work, and the usual things. It wasn't so much the questions as her posture, closeness, several touches, and the eye contact that made it feel ... intimate.  Thursday I stopped in for a quick drink on the way to my hair appointment, and when I was almost done my drink she came up behind me and ran her fingers up and down my back as she leaned over me and asked if I wanted another drink.  It made my heart beat quicker.

My brain is telling me that she's heterosexual and is probably like this with all her customers. My heart, and parts below my heart, are hopeful that there's more to it than that.   I've made a fool of myself before by misinterpreting signs women were giving me and it's extremely embarrassing. I am not ready to go out on the limb yet.


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Offline Gorgeous Graham

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #249 on: September 29, 2018, 07:33:39 pm »
My brain is telling me that she's heterosexual and is probably like this with all her customers. My heart, and parts below my heart, are hopeful that there's more to it than that.   I've made a fool of myself before by misinterpreting signs women were giving me and it's extremely embarrassing. I am not ready to go out on the limb yet.

If you don't end up having sex with this woman let me know so that I can come out and have sex with this woman.

Kidding aside, yeah it's tough reading signs sometimes, some people are naturally playful flirty, especially bartenders, i'd imagine it's x2 harder for non-heteros. I've misread women before, but as embarrassing as it is I don't have any regrets, I'd rather get embarrassed than miss an opportunity.  Maybe casually mention in convo about "my ex-gf did yadda yadda", see how she reacts.
I can tell how good of a person you are by how you treat the people you disagree with.

Offline MH

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #250 on: September 30, 2018, 08:11:03 am »
I have a new co-worker.   He worked with my other bosses back in the stone age, and recently retired from his long-time job. He is now joining us on a semi-full time basis for something to do, I guess.  He no doubt brings a wealth of information, experience, and contacts.  He will be a valuable addition, if I don't murder him.

The past week has brought a steady diet of unintentionally condescending patter, unintentionally patronizing remarks, stale jokes, and daily reminders that he's "on his best behavior" now that he's "sharing the office with a lady."  Like, my presence is a burden that prevents him from being himself.  He'd probably tell cruder jokes....they'd still be stale, but they'd be cruder.  I've already received a "you'd make somebody a great wife!" and a "how'd a girl like you stay single?" and I'm sure he'll offer to set me up with his idiot nephew at some point.  It could be worse. He's an unwitting boor, but at least he's not a deliberate pig. 



One of the bartenders I see a lot has been very flirty the last few times I've been through.  She's very ... sensual. The way she walks, the way she leans over the bar when she talks to you, the way she stands while she's mixing a drink... somehow everything she does just seems suggestive.  Monday she came and sat in the stool next to me and leaned into my personal space while she asked about my day, about work, and the usual things. It wasn't so much the questions as her posture, closeness, several touches, and the eye contact that made it feel ... intimate.  Thursday I stopped in for a quick drink on the way to my hair appointment, and when I was almost done my drink she came up behind me and ran her fingers up and down my back as she leaned over me and asked if I wanted another drink.  It made my heart beat quicker.

My brain is telling me that she's heterosexual and is probably like this with all her customers. My heart, and parts below my heart, are hopeful that there's more to it than that.   I've made a fool of myself before by misinterpreting signs women were giving me and it's extremely embarrassing. I am not ready to go out on the limb yet.


 -k

I read this thinking the two stories were going to tie together somehow with old dude seeing the flirting and exploding.  My friends told me of a mutual acquaintance who melted down when she saw them kissing.  I guess she didn't know about them, and her reaction was - get this - alternately crying and laughing.   I guess her world split in two there....

----

First flag in your post "One of the bartenders I see a lot "  ... is your drinking ok ?  I am 99% sober these days (I had a beer on Thursday that was already poured for me) so I don't want to be one of those people but take care.

Second flag is that you are still getting a lot of action for a small down gal with limited prospects, so good for you.

For the old dude, maybe you haven't had to deal with this before.  If not, then you have to start developing some tools to deal with this type of thing.  I suspect you are valued by your boss.  I would go to him/her and find some kind of way to get them on your side with respect to things impacting you.  You need to take this situation as a challenge to learn some new social tools in the workplace, IMO.  What are your boss' motivations ?  Use those as leverage to explain why your work environment is now going to cause you to not meet your boss' goals.  My unasked for 2 cents...

As for the second person, it sounds like 100% come-ons to me but maybe women act like this with each other and not with men.  Not that I have been great with signs myself.... good luck...

Offline MH

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #251 on: September 30, 2018, 08:13:03 am »
If you don't end up having sex with this woman let me know so that I can come out and have sex with this woman.

Kidding aside,

You weren't kidding. 

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yeah it's tough reading signs sometimes, some people are naturally playful flirty, especially bartenders, i'd imagine it's x2 harder for non-heteros. I've misread women before, but as embarrassing as it is I don't have any regrets, I'd rather get embarrassed than miss an opportunity.  Maybe casually mention in convo about "my ex-gf did yadda yadda", see how she reacts.

I have been exasperated by my work mates who thing that bartenders and wait staff "really like them".  One of my friends even asked out and dated a checkout lady at his grocery store.  So, yes, there is that aspect that they are 'friendly' as part of their job.

But not actually touching.  That is a pretty big line to cross in my circles.

Offline kimmy

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #252 on: September 30, 2018, 01:57:25 pm »
I read this thinking the two stories were going to tie together somehow with old dude seeing the flirting and exploding.  My friends told me of a mutual acquaintance who melted down when she saw them kissing.  I guess she didn't know about them, and her reaction was - get this - alternately crying and laughing.   I guess her world split in two there....

I find this hilarious for some reason.

First flag in your post "One of the bartenders I see a lot "  ... is your drinking ok ?  I am 99% sober these days (I had a beer on Thursday that was already poured for me) so I don't want to be one of those people but take care.

Second flag is that you are still getting a lot of action for a small down gal with limited prospects, so good for you.

My drinking is frequent, but moderate. A couple of days each week I stop for a beer or two and some food after work. I have a handful of favorite bars and kind of alternate amongst them.  As for getting a lot of action... I'm actually not getting any action right now.  I fear I may turn into an angry incel.  :o

For the old dude, maybe you haven't had to deal with this before.  If not, then you have to start developing some tools to deal with this type of thing.  I suspect you are valued by your boss.  I would go to him/her and find some kind of way to get them on your side with respect to things impacting you.  You need to take this situation as a challenge to learn some new social tools in the workplace, IMO.  What are your boss' motivations ?  Use those as leverage to explain why your work environment is now going to cause you to not meet your boss' goals.  My unasked for 2 cents...

The new guy has known my boss and most of my co-workers for a very long time. They've been friends since the 1980s. So I would be on thin ice going to my boss to complain about him.

The second is that I don't have anything specific to complain about. I'm not sure how annoyed I'm actually should actually be.  I can't go to my boss and say "his jokes are stale" or "I have a vague sense that he doesn't respect me, even though he hasn't actually said anything concrete."    I think mostly my antipathy right now is just that I have to go through the whole process again... prove my value to yet another stranger. Probably over the upcoming days and weeks I will get accustomed to working with him, and get him accustomed to working with me and set boundaries and so on.  Many co-workers who rubbed me the wrong way at first became friends later. I have to assume that this will turn out the same.

Haven't been through anything like this before?  My whole life has been like this. 


As for the second person, it sounds like 100% come-ons to me but maybe women act like this with each other and not with men.  Not that I have been great with signs myself.... good luck...

This gives me hope. I will see how things go.

 -k
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Offline MH

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #253 on: September 30, 2018, 02:16:36 pm »
I find this hilarious for some reason.

So did I, but the people who were there were kind of shocked to see her mental software producing this result.  Clearly she didn't think gayness was real or hadn't seen it... not sure.

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My drinking is frequent, but moderate. A couple of days each week I stop for a beer or two and some food after work. I have a handful of favorite bars and kind of alternate amongst them.  As for getting a lot of action... I'm actually not getting any action right now.  I fear I may turn into an angry incel.  :o

I know lots of single ladies who go years without any leads... let alone action.  They're usually older than you but sometimes not.

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The new guy has known my boss and most of my co-workers for a very long time. They've been friends since the 1980s. So I would be on thin ice going to my boss to complain about him.

****.  can you wear ear buds at work ?  Find some way to avoid him ?  Go to the basement and do inventory ?  Get a headset and be on 'phone calls' a lot...

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The second is that I don't have anything specific to complain about. I'm not sure how annoyed I'm actually should actually be.  I can't go to my boss and say "his jokes are stale" or "I have a vague sense that he doesn't respect me, even though he hasn't actually said anything concrete."    I think mostly my antipathy right now is just that I have to go through the whole process again... prove my value to yet another stranger. Probably over the upcoming days and weeks I will get accustomed to working with him, and get him accustomed to working with me and set boundaries and so on.  Many co-workers who rubbed me the wrong way at first became friends later. I have to assume that this will turn out the same.

OK Well that's a plan.

Quote
Haven't been through anything like this before?  My whole life has been like this. 
 

It seems I mistook your post as asking for advice rather than just venting.  You have a plan, so you know what to do.

Offline kimmy

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #254 on: October 01, 2018, 09:51:21 am »
It seems I mistook your post as asking for advice rather than just venting.  You have a plan, so you know what to do.

It was mostly just venting.  But just writing it down and expressing it helped give me some perspective on the issue.

 -k
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