That's the life you've ever known. I can't even begin to imagine such a loss, I'm at a loss for words.
I lost my brother at 35 and even though it's nothing compared to losing a life partner, I remember the anger and denial and emptiness. It's a surreal time until little by little the enormity of it starts to seep in.
Be kind to yourself and take it one minute at a time. I hope you have a support network and in grief counselling. For what it's worth, a perfect stranger is shedding tears with you today.