Canadian Politics Today

But... he won't do what you tell him if he doesn't feel like it and he'll shove a kid sometimes.

If it were me, personally, in this situation I would make my child do what they're told and punish them until they do it.  It sounds like a battle of wills that the child is winning.  If a child can ultimately just get away with doing whatever they feel like that's a dangerous situation to be in as a parent, so I feel your pain.  You have to punish them and then let them scream and howl and punch and throw every tantrum imaginable but persist and don't let this break your resolve.  It's a battle of wills.  When the child sees that you won't bend despite all their tantrums then they should stop throwing tantrums because they know it's pointless and will have no effect on you.  They will know you are the boss.

I have no idea about your specific situation but a lot of kids will use all the manipulation tactics at their disposal to make the parent feel guilt for punishing them in order to eventually get their way. Long ago most parents wouldn't give a hoot since parenting was stricter, and the kids would eventually fall in line and do what they are told because they knew they weren't going to win.  So it comes down to who controls who?

The older the child gets the harder it will be to break them because they're used to ultimately getting their way.  When they're a toddler it's harder to discipline them but when they're old enough to understand consequences and punishment it gets easier.  Punishment doesn't have to be done out of anger, it just has to be persistent and consistent so that the child falls in line.  If a parent shows the child they feel bad for punishing them, if the child is manipulative they can try to use this to their advantage.

Even as a toddler in the terrible twos, they say it's "just a phase", which it is, but it's a phase where the child is trying to assert their independence and dominance over their parents and other people in authority.  It's usually only a phase because the situation will eventually resolve itself over time:  the parents will assert control and get their way, or the child will, and patterns between them will develop.

Great example (I think you have open Youtube to watch: 



I once volunteered at an elementary school and there was a student around grade 1 that had oppositional defiant disorder.  I don't know the cause of that situation but it was tough, and the school's solution was to just let the child do as they wish when they wouldn't do as they're told.  I have no idea if that was the right call in that specific case since i'm no child psychologist.