Author Topic: Personal Stuff  (Read 44488 times)

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Offline MH

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1980 on: September 01, 2022, 08:11:22 am »
She passed away Monday afternoon, with medical assistance. She was quite content and in fact glad that it was over. She phoned me at work Monday, a couple of hours before it happened. It was an extremely difficult phone call.  It was kind of surreal talking to her knowing that she would be dead in a couple of hours.   She again told me that she was proud of me, and that she would see me again in the afterlife.  Since neither of us actually believe in an afterlife, that was an odd thing for her to tell me, but I guess she was just trying to support me. It's funny to me that she was the one who was dying and I was the one that needed support. Regardless, she was remarkably composed and uncharacteristically kind.

My brother told me afterward that they had a bit of a party in the room while they were waiting for the event.  Everybody had wine or other drinks. Mom was the only sober person in the room, which is ironically the exact opposite of how she lived most of her adult life.

Anyway. I'm feeling okay right now. I've had a while to prepare mentally for this, and although last week was extremely difficult, I am okay.


I am glad to hear you're ok.

It seems to me that facing the void... imminently... must clear our all of one's petty concerns and earthly pains.  I may have mentioned an uncle that seemed irredeemable that did the same thing as your mom. 

As a parent, I can say with perfect certainty that she loved you and held you at some point with the purest and least selfish love in her heart.  Whatever issues permeated her life and your relationship in the years that followed don't erase that, and I can only hope that she felt it again in the end.  At least, she did want to care from you as you say.

What I hope you get out of it is that even your poor broken mother saw what an incredible person you are and maybe saw wonder as to the positivity you bring into the world and felt proud.   

Now I'm upset, but since I don't "know" any of the people involved here I suppose it's just the eternal sadness+joy of our human condition.
  F*** parenthood and what it did to my previously cold heart....
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