Canadian Politics Today

So I was back  in Edmonton again last week, as mom is now in hospice. She went downhill so rapidly, and rather than a year to live she will be dead before September. She is applying for assisted death. The cancer attacked her intestines so aggressively that she is bleeding heavily inside, and her hemoglobin levels have fallen through the floor. She has no energy left. The slightest activity tires her. She can't even get out of bed now.

She told me that she loves me, and that she is proud of me.  Those feel like two of the biggest lies she has ever told me. She never missed an opportunity to remind me that I was unplanned and unwanted. Nonetheless I was a complete wreck all week.  I don't think I was actually distraught over mom, I think it was more like I was grieving the relationship that I never even got to have with her.  Meanwhile my little brother, the one who was constantly doted upon, he could barely have seemed less concerned with it all.  It seemed more like an annoyance for him... something that was taking up his valuable time and cramping his social life.

Lindsey was there with me for a couple of days, and she was a big help.  Everybody appreciated how strong and steady she was, especially when dad and I were completely falling apart.

I think I'm fairly at peace with things right now.  We've hardly talked for about 15 years.  We said our goodbyes.  I think I feel okay with closing this chapter.

 -k

Sorry to hear about your mom's decline.

Your family dynamics aren't that rare, if it's any solace.  I've seen it before quite a few people/families I know.  It's also extremely common for moms to coddle their sons.  Some kind of Freudian thing that happens with many mothers.  Growing up being coddled for 20+ years is almost as bad for someone as outright abuse/neglect.  It's also common for mothers and daughters to be at each other's throats, again some kind of Freudian thing.

Your mom sounds like someone who needs to be in control and doesn't like a daughter or anyone else in her life with their own mind who challenges her, and can say no to her.  And this causes fights, among other things.  Maybe she even behaves a lot of the time like a kind of tyrant.  I imagine your brother was the compliant one, and probably your dad too.  Anyways, i'm sure it was the right thing to remove yourself from an unhealthy situation, while your brother is trapped in a permanent state of childhood-like dependence instead of being able to take on all the responsibilities adulthood requires us all.  Everyone needs to set their own boundaries and enforce them when someone continually crosses them, so good for you.  It's not your fault if someone won't respect them.

I wish you, your mom, and your family good luck.