Author Topic: Personal Stuff  (Read 43331 times)

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Offline MH

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #240 on: September 30, 2018, 08:11:03 am »
I have a new co-worker.   He worked with my other bosses back in the stone age, and recently retired from his long-time job. He is now joining us on a semi-full time basis for something to do, I guess.  He no doubt brings a wealth of information, experience, and contacts.  He will be a valuable addition, if I don't murder him.

The past week has brought a steady diet of unintentionally condescending patter, unintentionally patronizing remarks, stale jokes, and daily reminders that he's "on his best behavior" now that he's "sharing the office with a lady."  Like, my presence is a burden that prevents him from being himself.  He'd probably tell cruder jokes....they'd still be stale, but they'd be cruder.  I've already received a "you'd make somebody a great wife!" and a "how'd a girl like you stay single?" and I'm sure he'll offer to set me up with his idiot nephew at some point.  It could be worse. He's an unwitting boor, but at least he's not a deliberate pig. 

One of the bartenders I see a lot has been very flirty the last few times I've been through.  She's very ... sensual. The way she walks, the way she leans over the bar when she talks to you, the way she stands while she's mixing a drink... somehow everything she does just seems suggestive.  Monday she came and sat in the stool next to me and leaned into my personal space while she asked about my day, about work, and the usual things. It wasn't so much the questions as her posture, closeness, several touches, and the eye contact that made it feel ... intimate.  Thursday I stopped in for a quick drink on the way to my hair appointment, and when I was almost done my drink she came up behind me and ran her fingers up and down my back as she leaned over me and asked if I wanted another drink.  It made my heart beat quicker.

My brain is telling me that she's heterosexual and is probably like this with all her customers. My heart, and parts below my heart, are hopeful that there's more to it than that.   I've made a fool of myself before by misinterpreting signs women were giving me and it's extremely embarrassing. I am not ready to go out on the limb yet.


I read this thinking the two stories were going to tie together somehow with old dude seeing the flirting and exploding.  My friends told me of a mutual acquaintance who melted down when she saw them kissing.  I guess she didn't know about them, and her reaction was - get this - alternately crying and laughing.   I guess her world split in two there....


First flag in your post "One of the bartenders I see a lot "  ... is your drinking ok ?  I am 99% sober these days (I had a beer on Thursday that was already poured for me) so I don't want to be one of those people but take care.

Second flag is that you are still getting a lot of action for a small down gal with limited prospects, so good for you.

For the old dude, maybe you haven't had to deal with this before.  If not, then you have to start developing some tools to deal with this type of thing.  I suspect you are valued by your boss.  I would go to him/her and find some kind of way to get them on your side with respect to things impacting you.  You need to take this situation as a challenge to learn some new social tools in the workplace, IMO.  What are your boss' motivations ?  Use those as leverage to explain why your work environment is now going to cause you to not meet your boss' goals.  My unasked for 2 cents...

As for the second person, it sounds like 100% come-ons to me but maybe women act like this with each other and not with men.  Not that I have been great with signs myself.... good luck...