Happy Mom's Day for those who celebrate 💐
First Mother's Day since mom's death, and I didn't even know what to think. Lindsey went out of her way to be super kind and was super conscious of it and went over the top in so many ways and I was just sort of blank inside about the whole thing. I spent so much time hating that woman. Now she's gone and I don't hate her and I don't miss her and I can just kind of feel sad that I never got to have a normal relationship with her. I can say that much of who I am today, for good as well as for bad, is because of her.
Now Father's Day is approaching, and dad is on the decline. I don't know if you'd call it early-onset dementia, or just plain dementia. But he's just not the man he used to be. He's acutely aware of it himself. "I used to be brilliant and now I'm dumber than a sack of hammers." He used to be one of the smartest people I've ever known, and I work with very smart people. Now he struggles with things that used to be very easy for him. It makes me very sad. He's very lonely. My brother lives with him now and is of no value at all as a companion. Dad tells me how much he misses me every time we talk, which is very strange because we went through a period of over 10 years of barely talking at all.
We're just a couple days away from the
40th Annual International Kim Day celebrations. The idea of me at 40 is an idea that I have a hard time wrapping my head around. In my mind's eye, I'm still 28. I still look amazing. I still feel amazing. I'm in better shape than I've been in for quite a while, partly thanks to the dog. I do pretty intense daily exercise as part of my mental-health self care routine. Weights, distance running, biking, Russian kettle bells, Persian clubs, paddling, plus the planks and bodyweight kind of stuff. But one thing I haven't done for a really long time is sprinting. The dog loves sprinting. We'll take off and run full out for 30 seconds and then she stops and finds a flower she needs to sniff or some grass she needs to roll in. Then after a minute of that she's reading for more sprinting. The sprinting is an intense, explosive burst of activity that is really missing from adult life, and I think it's having amazing benefits for my body.
The dog is completely mental. We'll be out for a walk and meet a hundred people and she'll be completely fine, then one person for whatever reason sets her off and she goes completely apeshit and barks at them like they're the devil or something. And we can't figure out what sets her off. For a while we thought maybe our dog is racist. But no, she flips out on some white people and she's fine with most non-white people. For a while I thought it might be hats, but I wear hats myself and she's usually okay with people in hats. There's no real pattern to it. Maybe her acute canine senses are picking up things that humans just can't detect. Like in Terminator 2: Judgment Day, when the human survivors in the future used dogs to detect the skin-clad Terminators. Maybe our dog is just picking up something about people that Lindsey and I can't. Maybe the people she flips out over are flesh-wrapped killer robots, or space aliens, or the undead, or possessed by demons, or anti-vaxxers or Convoy people or PPC voters or some kind of deranged
**** like that.
I spend a lot of time thinking about having sex with women that aren't Lindsey. I'm not sure how normal this is. I sometimes wonder if this is some sort of Charlie Sheen type mental health issue that I should get counseling for.
-k