Author Topic: Personal Stuff  (Read 40306 times)

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Offline MH

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1980 on: August 28, 2022, 07:24:24 am »
My sister-in-law had an odd mix of both of these.  Huge vicious fighting with the MIL and yet also coddled and dependent.

Now that I am parenting I can understand the difficulty in raising children.  The wisdom and discipline required is almost impossible to find in the average person

Given the typical selfish person out there it's amazing that the community persists.  Maybe it does take a village to raise the child.

Offline MH

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1981 on: August 30, 2022, 07:23:37 am »
Being home after the big trip is a little odd.

Without the feeling of being a refugee, deadlines and so on the stress is less.  However when I was on "vacation" we had respite and I'm back to the day to day of being a parent.  I'm still not sure if I'm cut out for this.  For sure, it erodes your relationship with your partner into a functional arrangement to provide for the kids and to try - befuddledly - to keep yourself and your mate happy.

What's clear to me is that I have nobody to talk to, who can relate or be in any way helpful on these things.

With Joan going back to work in the new year a whole host of new problems will come up, while others will get solved.

Offline kimmy

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1982 on: August 31, 2022, 10:19:01 pm »
Oh kimmy I'm sorry.  I guess it unfolded as it had to.

She passed away Monday afternoon, with medical assistance. She was quite content and in fact glad that it was over. She phoned me at work Monday, a couple of hours before it happened. It was an extremely difficult phone call.  It was kind of surreal talking to her knowing that she would be dead in a couple of hours.   She again told me that she was proud of me, and that she would see me again in the afterlife.  Since neither of us actually believe in an afterlife, that was an odd thing for her to tell me, but I guess she was just trying to support me. It's funny to me that she was the one who was dying and I was the one that needed support. Regardless, she was remarkably composed and uncharacteristically kind.

My brother told me afterward that they had a bit of a party in the room while they were waiting for the event.  Everybody had wine or other drinks. Mom was the only sober person in the room, which is ironically the exact opposite of how she lived most of her adult life.

Anyway. I'm feeling okay right now. I've had a while to prepare mentally for this, and although last week was extremely difficult, I am okay.

 -k
Paris - London - New York - Kim City
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Offline kimmy

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1983 on: August 31, 2022, 10:19:54 pm »
The trip to end all trips is done.

We went to the southern USA and all things "family" make sense to me now: family restaurants, family attractions, family parks.  All are necessary things.   

So much family ....

Where all did you go? 

 -k
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Offline MH

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1984 on: September 01, 2022, 07:53:06 am »
Where all did you go? 

 -k

Weird assembledge of visits to satisfy family/friend visits and also have some family time *somewhere* memorable.

We ended up finding resorts last-minute on the US atlantic coast, where we went for two weeks.  But before that we cottaged with friends, camped at a provincial park for a week (with Easy and p-kimmy's lil 6-year old cousin.  f*** that was hard) and then a road trip to E. Ontario and Quebec for a week or so.

 

Offline MH

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1985 on: September 01, 2022, 08:11:22 am »
She passed away Monday afternoon, with medical assistance. She was quite content and in fact glad that it was over. She phoned me at work Monday, a couple of hours before it happened. It was an extremely difficult phone call.  It was kind of surreal talking to her knowing that she would be dead in a couple of hours.   She again told me that she was proud of me, and that she would see me again in the afterlife.  Since neither of us actually believe in an afterlife, that was an odd thing for her to tell me, but I guess she was just trying to support me. It's funny to me that she was the one who was dying and I was the one that needed support. Regardless, she was remarkably composed and uncharacteristically kind.

My brother told me afterward that they had a bit of a party in the room while they were waiting for the event.  Everybody had wine or other drinks. Mom was the only sober person in the room, which is ironically the exact opposite of how she lived most of her adult life.

Anyway. I'm feeling okay right now. I've had a while to prepare mentally for this, and although last week was extremely difficult, I am okay.

 -k

I am glad to hear you're ok.

It seems to me that facing the void... imminently... must clear our all of one's petty concerns and earthly pains.  I may have mentioned an uncle that seemed irredeemable that did the same thing as your mom. 

As a parent, I can say with perfect certainty that she loved you and held you at some point with the purest and least selfish love in her heart.  Whatever issues permeated her life and your relationship in the years that followed don't erase that, and I can only hope that she felt it again in the end.  At least, she did want to care from you as you say.

What I hope you get out of it is that even your poor broken mother saw what an incredible person you are and maybe saw wonder as to the positivity you bring into the world and felt proud.   

Now I'm upset, but since I don't "know" any of the people involved here I suppose it's just the eternal sadness+joy of our human condition.
  F*** parenthood and what it did to my previously cold heart....
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Offline Queefer Sutherland

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1986 on: September 01, 2022, 09:53:46 pm »
Sorry to hear kimmy.  That was a fast decline.  I had a family friend in hospice several years ago, everyone waiting around for her last breathe. That wasn't fun I didn't want to be there for that, so I left.

Glad you seem at peace with things.

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Offline MH

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1987 on: September 05, 2022, 07:29:10 pm »
Easy starting JK this week.  Joan is stressed.

Easy is cute, fun, personable, conversational and smart.

But... he won't do what you tell him if he doesn't feel like it and he'll shove a kid sometimes.

I'm a little worried because she is, but we know parents who were in the same situation and this phase should just end.

I'm not a Mom though I am a Dad.

Offline Queefer Sutherland

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1988 on: September 05, 2022, 08:21:30 pm »
But... he won't do what you tell him if he doesn't feel like it and he'll shove a kid sometimes.

If it were me, personally, in this situation I would make my child do what they're told and punish them until they do it.  It sounds like a battle of wills that the child is winning.  If a child can ultimately just get away with doing whatever they feel like that's a dangerous situation to be in as a parent, so I feel your pain.  You have to punish them and then let them scream and howl and punch and throw every tantrum imaginable but persist and don't let this break your resolve.  It's a battle of wills.  When the child sees that you won't bend despite all their tantrums then they should stop throwing tantrums because they know it's pointless and will have no effect on you.  They will know you are the boss.

I have no idea about your specific situation but a lot of kids will use all the manipulation tactics at their disposal to make the parent feel guilt for punishing them in order to eventually get their way. Long ago most parents wouldn't give a hoot since parenting was stricter, and the kids would eventually fall in line and do what they are told because they knew they weren't going to win.  So it comes down to who controls who?

The older the child gets the harder it will be to break them because they're used to ultimately getting their way.  When they're a toddler it's harder to discipline them but when they're old enough to understand consequences and punishment it gets easier.  Punishment doesn't have to be done out of anger, it just has to be persistent and consistent so that the child falls in line.  If a parent shows the child they feel bad for punishing them, if the child is manipulative they can try to use this to their advantage.

Even as a toddler in the terrible twos, they say it's "just a phase", which it is, but it's a phase where the child is trying to assert their independence and dominance over their parents and other people in authority.  It's usually only a phase because the situation will eventually resolve itself over time:  the parents will assert control and get their way, or the child will, and patterns between them will develop.

Great example (I think you have open Youtube to watch: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2SDsrd1lvo

I once volunteered at an elementary school and there was a student around grade 1 that had oppositional defiant disorder.  I don't know the cause of that situation but it was tough, and the school's solution was to just let the child do as they wish when they wouldn't do as they're told.  I have no idea if that was the right call in that specific case since i'm no child psychologist.
« Last Edit: September 05, 2022, 08:27:11 pm by Nipples Von Graham »
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Offline MH

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1989 on: September 05, 2022, 09:36:37 pm »
Thanks for the advice.
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Offline Queefer Sutherland

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1990 on: September 05, 2022, 11:36:12 pm »
Thanks for the advice.

I could also be totally off since I don't know your situation, apologies if so.  Either way, good luck with Easy hope he enjoys school.
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Offline MH

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1991 on: September 07, 2022, 08:45:02 am »
Easy is currently in his first hour of JK and if he gets expelled day 1 it will be better than having to deal with Joan's stress vibes for another day...

omg kids wreck your life....


Offline Squidward von Squidderson

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1992 on: September 07, 2022, 10:24:41 am »
Easy is currently in his first hour of JK and if he gets expelled day 1 it will be better than having to deal with Joan's stress vibes for another day...

omg kids wreck your life....

You people need to chill. 

Offline MH

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1993 on: September 07, 2022, 10:35:54 am »
You people need to chill.

Do you have kids ?  I fergawt...

Offline Queefer Sutherland

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1994 on: September 07, 2022, 01:18:37 pm »
Easy is currently in his first hour of JK and if he gets expelled day 1 it will be better than having to deal with Joan's stress vibes for another day...

omg kids wreck your life....

Easy is kindergarten Hitler.
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