Author Topic: Personal Stuff  (Read 44487 times)

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Offline Dia

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1965 on: July 22, 2022, 06:01:16 pm »
My mother and I were not close, but when she was at the end of her life, my sister and I took care of her.  There were no momentous reveals or resolution of our issues, but it was still one of the most rewarding times of my life, although I can't really say why.  YMMV of course.

Offline eyeball

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1966 on: July 22, 2022, 09:16:26 pm »
I know so many from damaged families who are turning it around with their kids.
Mine was a little dinged up alright but far from being demolished compared to some that I've seen. Most of my old cohorts that I still call friends had more or less the same background. I certainly know more tighter families now than I did when I was a kid but that's probably a result of having lived in the same place for nearly 50 years as opposed to the multiple neighbourhoods I grew up in.  My wife and I live as a-partners, under separate roofs on the same property running the same business - our kids and grand-kids however are the strongest thing keeping us bound together.

I had my granddaughter out on the boat today. Of course that meant I had to let a couple other kids onboard that she made friends with come up to the wheelhouse too. Apparently it's pretty cool when your papa's Capt.
 
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Offline MH

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1967 on: July 23, 2022, 05:29:56 am »
Well that sounds cool I very much doubt I will live to see my grandkids.

My observations are that the world cares more and so families are more precious.

Birth control and abortion ensure kids today are wanted.  There's no wars to take daddy away and make him damaged.  Violence is shunned and hitting the child is illegal.

Like this.

Offline MH

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1968 on: July 26, 2022, 07:20:13 pm »
Camping with the kids plus the niece in My. Ontario.
Lots of work and Joan and I are bickering a lot.

But still, it feels good to be building memories for these kids.  And the setting is idyllic.

Love to everyone...
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Offline Black Dog

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1969 on: July 27, 2022, 09:45:10 am »
Camping with the kids plus the niece in My. Ontario.
Lots of work and Joan and I are bickering a lot.

But still, it feels good to be building memories for these kids.  And the setting is idyllic.

Love to everyone...

You couldn't pay me enough to go camping with a kid/kids, so godspeed.
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Offline MH

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1970 on: July 28, 2022, 05:15:55 am »
Ok, as the stress day of travel+setup floats into the distance, we are doing better. 
LOTS of kids here, which is an amazing opportunity for our little ones to grow socially... maybe the most important thing for them to learn now.

Meltdowns, bugs, and such still happening.


Offline kimmy

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1971 on: August 02, 2022, 01:50:55 am »
I hope the camping trip goes well.    For me when I think back on the camping trips we went on when I was little, I only remember the good parts.



Thank you everyone for your thoughts. My family is a mess. I don't know what to do, but I guess the bright side is that I don't really need to do anything. I moved away from them for a reason.

On the bright side, Lindsey's family love me. Her niece and nephew call me Auntie. :)


 -k
Paris - London - New York - Kim City
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Offline MH

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1972 on: August 02, 2022, 07:28:23 am »
It was hard for us but we definitely made memories and we will do this every year....
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Offline kimmy

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1973 on: August 26, 2022, 01:00:28 am »
I've been in Edmonton visiting my family.  Things aren't that good.

Mom has about a year left to live, they figure.

So I was back  in Edmonton again last week, as mom is now in hospice. She went downhill so rapidly, and rather than a year to live she will be dead before September. She is applying for assisted death. The cancer attacked her intestines so aggressively that she is bleeding heavily inside, and her hemoglobin levels have fallen through the floor. She has no energy left. The slightest activity tires her. She can't even get out of bed now.

She told me that she loves me, and that she is proud of me.  Those feel like two of the biggest lies she has ever told me. She never missed an opportunity to remind me that I was unplanned and unwanted. Nonetheless I was a complete wreck all week.  I don't think I was actually distraught over mom, I think it was more like I was grieving the relationship that I never even got to have with her.  Meanwhile my little brother, the one who was constantly doted upon, he could barely have seemed less concerned with it all.  It seemed more like an annoyance for him... something that was taking up his valuable time and cramping his social life.

Lindsey was there with me for a couple of days, and she was a big help.  Everybody appreciated how strong and steady she was, especially when dad and I were completely falling apart.

I think I'm fairly at peace with things right now.  We've hardly talked for about 15 years.  We said our goodbyes.  I think I feel okay with closing this chapter.

 -k
Paris - London - New York - Kim City
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Offline MH

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1974 on: August 27, 2022, 06:09:27 am »
Oh kimmy I'm sorry.  I guess it unfolded as it had to.
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Offline Dia

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1975 on: August 27, 2022, 01:52:35 pm »
I'm glad there was some kind of closure for you.
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Offline MH

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1976 on: August 27, 2022, 04:10:46 pm »
The trip to end all trips is done.

We went to the southern USA and all things "family" make sense to me now: family restaurants, family attractions, family parks.  All are necessary things.   

So much family ....
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Offline Bubbermiley

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1977 on: August 27, 2022, 08:56:37 pm »
Glad you didn't get shot.
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Offline Queefer Sutherland

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1978 on: August 27, 2022, 09:53:47 pm »
So I was back  in Edmonton again last week, as mom is now in hospice. She went downhill so rapidly, and rather than a year to live she will be dead before September. She is applying for assisted death. The cancer attacked her intestines so aggressively that she is bleeding heavily inside, and her hemoglobin levels have fallen through the floor. She has no energy left. The slightest activity tires her. She can't even get out of bed now.

She told me that she loves me, and that she is proud of me.  Those feel like two of the biggest lies she has ever told me. She never missed an opportunity to remind me that I was unplanned and unwanted. Nonetheless I was a complete wreck all week.  I don't think I was actually distraught over mom, I think it was more like I was grieving the relationship that I never even got to have with her.  Meanwhile my little brother, the one who was constantly doted upon, he could barely have seemed less concerned with it all.  It seemed more like an annoyance for him... something that was taking up his valuable time and cramping his social life.

Lindsey was there with me for a couple of days, and she was a big help.  Everybody appreciated how strong and steady she was, especially when dad and I were completely falling apart.

I think I'm fairly at peace with things right now.  We've hardly talked for about 15 years.  We said our goodbyes.  I think I feel okay with closing this chapter.

 -k

Sorry to hear about your mom's decline.

Your family dynamics aren't that rare, if it's any solace.  I've seen it before quite a few people/families I know.  It's also extremely common for moms to coddle their sons.  Some kind of Freudian thing that happens with many mothers.  Growing up being coddled for 20+ years is almost as bad for someone as outright abuse/neglect.  It's also common for mothers and daughters to be at each other's throats, again some kind of Freudian thing.

Your mom sounds like someone who needs to be in control and doesn't like a daughter or anyone else in her life with their own mind who challenges her, and can say no to her.  And this causes fights, among other things.  Maybe she even behaves a lot of the time like a kind of tyrant.  I imagine your brother was the compliant one, and probably your dad too.  Anyways, i'm sure it was the right thing to remove yourself from an unhealthy situation, while your brother is trapped in a permanent state of childhood-like dependence instead of being able to take on all the responsibilities adulthood requires us all.  Everyone needs to set their own boundaries and enforce them when someone continually crosses them, so good for you.  It's not your fault if someone won't respect them.

I wish you, your mom, and your family good luck.
I queef, therefore I am.
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Offline MH

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1979 on: August 28, 2022, 07:15:33 am »
Glad you didn't get shot.

Yeah me too, although I felt safe the entire trip.  I even went through some sketchy areas and still felt safe.

Culturally, southern Pennsylvania was the most alienating.  We were off the interstate and driving through pathetic small towns with handmade Trump signs. The general poverty that's constantly visible in the richest country is always heartbreaking to me.