Author Topic: Personal Stuff  (Read 13730 times)

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Offline wilber

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1230 on: September 16, 2020, 03:04:07 pm »
I know.  My kids/grandkids live a ways from me, but we'd see each other once or twice a year.  This year, we won't see them at all and I'm sad about that. 

If they lived close, I'd see them - outside, distanced, probably masked and for short periods of time.  I think that would be safe.  But traveling several hundred kms to have limited contact and risk the hotel/restaurants we'd have to use - not worth it.

Hope you can see them all soon.

In that way we are very lucky, both our kids live within 10 minutes of us. We can see them but like you say, at a distance. How do you not hug a three year old who gives you the best greeting you have had since you owned a dog?
"Never trust a man without a single redeeming vice" WSC

Offline JuniperRose

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1231 on: September 17, 2020, 01:17:43 pm »
Not a good day today.  The whole pandemic thing is starting to get to me.  My partner is facing several health issues, one of which could be life-threatening, but we won't know till next week - and maybe not even then. I'm 90% sure it'll be fine, but that 10% that isn't sure is really weighing on me. In the meantime, he's in constant pain, which makes him very moody and difficult to deal with at times, there's lots of things he's just not able to do and so in addition to full-time work, I'm doing a lot of the stuff he used to do and my house is a mess, which I hate.

My job is stressful, which does affect me - but I usually enjoy it anyway because of the support of my colleagues.  Then Tuesday, one of those colleagues (and not really my supervisor, but in a supervisory position over me) took me to task for two mistakes that amounted to around $53.50 - except one error wasn't actually an error - and the other error was for $1.00, most likely a typo.  I know she's going through some tough **** with her parents ill-health and covid, but that really **** hurt because I had to explain twice why I hadn't made an error in the first case and when she finally "got it", she still chewed my ass for the $1. 

Anyway, I'm prone to depression and today I feel barely functional.  I've got a request in for some therapy but I guess they're backed up and their "two-day response" was "We'll get to you as soon as we can".  I'm already on a low dose of anti-depressants, so could maybe get doc to increase those or change them (anti-depressants tend to lose their effectiveness after a while).  But even that would take a few weeks to 'kick-in', and I'm really not sure if I can continue too long like this.   I'm considering contacting doc for stress leave, but that would leave other colleagues having to add my stuff to their already overwhelming workload.

I feel really stuck.  Tried to go for a long walk yesterday cause exercise helps, but the smoke in the air still makes me nauseous.  Not helped by having started Saxenda two weeks ago, which is effective but does lead to an easily upset tummy. Not to mention, in clinical trials, 9 out of 3384 patients had 'worsening depression/suicide ideation' vs 2 of the control group, so maybe I'm among that 0.3%.  Trying to hang on till next week and if the health news is good, that would relieve a lot of pressure, and maybe I'd start feeling better overnight.

So, thought I'd post here cause anonymous internet forum.  Words of wisdom, support and jokes accepted gratefully.


Offline MH

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1232 on: September 17, 2020, 01:24:41 pm »
Awww.... here's the thing - things always get better, then worse

Try to make it through the day ok ?  Treat yourself somehow.  Find some old show on YouTube you forgot about.  Eat something you want to but shouldn't.  Take a bath ?

Can't help much, but my thoughts are with you...
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Offline eyeball

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1233 on: September 17, 2020, 01:44:27 pm »
My daughter and her kids have opted to pod up with a friend and their kids for homeschooling. Our oldest granddaughter is studying grade 4, her brothers would be starting kindergarten and preschool respectively. Our daughter and granddaughter contend with asthma and her husband's business can't afford the risk if he falls ill from kids bringing COVID home.

The decision to eschew sending the kids to school is almost entirely due to their inability to trust they can be kept adequately safe.

Personally I think the concern that kids suffer from not attending school is valid but I also think it's overstated. I also believe the economic desire to open things up is driven by fears that are similarly overstated with a seemingly deliberately intent to frighten people.
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Offline wilber

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1234 on: September 17, 2020, 01:45:38 pm »
Hang in there JR. Have faith, it will get better. Some day. But it will.

Best wishes for your partner.
"Never trust a man without a single redeeming vice" WSC
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Offline eyeball

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1235 on: September 17, 2020, 01:55:15 pm »
Hang in there JR. Have faith, it will get better. Some day. But it will.

Best wishes for your partner.
Ditto for sure.
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Offline eyeball

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1236 on: September 17, 2020, 02:08:18 pm »
In that way we are very lucky, both our kids live within 10 minutes of us. We can see them but like you say, at a distance. How do you not hug a three year old who gives you the best greeting you have had since you owned a dog?
We had our grandkids visit for a month this summer. Apparently building them a tree fort was even better than taking them fishing and bear watching.  I have to say though building a tree fort with mom and grandma hovering nearby required some schoolyard level engineering.  Back in the day a handful of bent nails and a bit of scrounged up wood was all we needed.  That said you should have seen my first 'boat'...built from scratch...sank before we made it out of Frenchman's Bay into Lake Ontario.
« Last Edit: September 17, 2020, 02:09:56 pm by eyeball »
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Offline JuniperRose

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1237 on: September 17, 2020, 02:37:45 pm »
Thanks for listening, it has helped to lift my cloud, more than I expected.  I've made a doc appointment, but won't happen till next week.

Agree that the harm to kids from not going to school is overstated, as is the fear-mongering around the economy.  Doesn't mean I don't think these are serious issues, because they are.  But neither is likely to actually be the end of the world, even though it may result in some serious hardship for some finite period of time.

Climate change, to me, seems much more like the end of the world without any end in sight.
« Last Edit: September 17, 2020, 02:42:53 pm by JuniperRose »
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Offline eyeball

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1238 on: September 17, 2020, 06:34:48 pm »
Climate change, to me, seems much more like the end of the world without any end in sight.
Speaking of which, I'm always struck by the deafening dissonance when comparing the cult of debt's horror and moral outrage over leaving a national debt to our grandkids when next to nothing is said about the deficit of natural capital we're leaving kids to finance their world with. The disconnect is phenomenal.
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Offline BC_cheque

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1239 on: September 17, 2020, 10:26:18 pm »
Juniper Rose, take the stress leave.  Don't worry about your co-workers, do what you need to do for you and your sanity. 

These are trying times for us all.  Do some yoga online since the air is so bad.  Get a massage if you have coverage (or can afford it without).  I find a long bath helps with soothing music.  I focus on the music and no matter how much my brain wants to go back to spinning thoughts, I bring it back to the music.  It's my meditation.

Take a break from work though, it really helps.  Hugs.   
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Offline Gorgeous Graham

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1240 on: September 17, 2020, 11:36:40 pm »
Not a good day today.  The whole pandemic thing is starting to get to me.  My partner is facing several health issues, one of which could be life-threatening, but we won't know till next week - and maybe not even then. I'm 90% sure it'll be fine, but that 10% that isn't sure is really weighing on me. In the meantime, he's in constant pain, which makes him very moody and difficult to deal with at times, there's lots of things he's just not able to do and so in addition to full-time work, I'm doing a lot of the stuff he used to do and my house is a mess, which I hate.

My job is stressful, which does affect me - but I usually enjoy it anyway because of the support of my colleagues.  Then Tuesday, one of those colleagues (and not really my supervisor, but in a supervisory position over me) took me to task for two mistakes that amounted to around $53.50 - except one error wasn't actually an error - and the other error was for $1.00, most likely a typo.  I know she's going through some tough **** with her parents ill-health and covid, but that really **** hurt because I had to explain twice why I hadn't made an error in the first case and when she finally "got it", she still chewed my ass for the $1. 

Anyway, I'm prone to depression and today I feel barely functional.  I've got a request in for some therapy but I guess they're backed up and their "two-day response" was "We'll get to you as soon as we can".  I'm already on a low dose of anti-depressants, so could maybe get doc to increase those or change them (anti-depressants tend to lose their effectiveness after a while).  But even that would take a few weeks to 'kick-in', and I'm really not sure if I can continue too long like this.   I'm considering contacting doc for stress leave, but that would leave other colleagues having to add my stuff to their already overwhelming workload.

I feel really stuck.  Tried to go for a long walk yesterday cause exercise helps, but the smoke in the air still makes me nauseous.  Not helped by having started Saxenda two weeks ago, which is effective but does lead to an easily upset tummy. Not to mention, in clinical trials, 9 out of 3384 patients had 'worsening depression/suicide ideation' vs 2 of the control group, so maybe I'm among that 0.3%.  Trying to hang on till next week and if the health news is good, that would relieve a lot of pressure, and maybe I'd start feeling better overnight.

So, thought I'd post here cause anonymous internet forum.  Words of wisdom, support and jokes accepted gratefully.

JR, I'm sorry to hear about your troubles, I hope your partner gets good news.

#1 thing at work is to just take care of your health first, there's NOTHING more important.  You're considerate to think of your colleagues if you took time off, but at the end of the day, that's not your problem, it's your employers problem.  Your colleagues should not blame fault on a person if they become ill.  I would never do that.  The employer needs to have plans for when these situations occur.  It's not your fault nor your responsibility to deal with it.  If you feel you need some sick leave, take it, because it could become worse if you don't address it and nip it in the bud.  I think it will likely be best in the longterm for you and your workplace.  I don't think your employer would want you at subpar performance when you could take some time off and then come back a much better worker.  You should be entitled to EI sickness benefits, up to 15 weeks if i'm not mistaken.

Regarding being "chewed out" by a person above you.  I don't know what tone was taken or the exact convo, but any intimidating or disrespectful behaviour by any colleague or superior in the workplace is considered harassment and it is very inappropriate and should NOT be tolerated.  You should be legally protected from such workplace harassment, especially if it's causing you stress and worsening your mental health.  Depending on what province you live in, look up the laws and protections for workplace harassment and bullying.  Every employer/employee should be aware of it.  We don't live in the 1970's anymore, people just can't yell at others in the workplace.  All employees and employer are expected to treat each other with respect, professionalism, and basic human decency, even your boss.

As for depression and anxiety, medications can be effective, but also are often masking root causes.  There's natural things you can do. As you say, walks/exercise helps, they relieve tension, clear the mind, and increase "feel good" neurochemicals like dopamine, endorphins, natural opiates etc.  I also highly recommend good time management before bed and morning. Give yourself 45-60 mins at least to have a relaxing "wind-down" before bed.  Turn off ALL devices, including TV, no screentime, maybe have a warm shower, get your PJs on or whatever, get into bed and read a book/magazine, this will calm your mind so you can have a restful sleep.  Consider 5-10 mins of slow deep breathing, it will do wonders.  Also, give yourself lots of time in the morning before work so you're relaxed and not rushing, & have time for a coffee or turn on the TV for a bit etc, & your work drive isn't stressful.  This will reduce anxiety, thus reducing your stress chemicals like adrenaline & cortisol etc., & get your day off to a great start.  Trust me on this.  :)

Good luck!
I can tell how good of a person you are by how you treat the people you disagree with.
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Offline JuniperRose

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1241 on: September 18, 2020, 10:07:41 am »
BC_cheque, Gorgeous Graham,

Thank you both so much for your thoughtful and caring replies.  I really do feel better, today; even writing it out helped me to feel a little more in control, and the support offered here added to that.   There are a few things in particular I want to address:

1.  Stress leave - it is an option, but I don't think I want to take that step yet.  Everybody is dealing with 'stuff' in addition to Covid, I'm not alone in that regard.  But if days like yesterday happen too often, it may be the best idea rather than working half-assed, forgetting what I'm doing and losing concentration.

2.  Bullying - we have strong anti-bullying culture in our office, we do not have a 'human resources' and if it became a serious issue, it would probably end up with the union.  My first steps would be to report it to my supervisor.  Because it's out of character for the person involved to do this, I don't want to escalate it to my supervisor. It also happened over email, no yelling involved, so that also is a factor.  But yes, it hurt.  The implication that I make so many mistakes and that this was just another in a long line of mistakes was just particularly devastating.  What I did do was check in with the manager of my department to get feedback about my own work, and she tells me there are no issues, and that in fact she's noticed a definite improvement over the last while, since I've begun getting effective feedback regarding errors.  That has helped.  And again, I know that the person involved is having a very tough time with her mother's illness, lack of personal contact with her due to Covid, and her concern over her father's mental health as a result of all of this.  So, just as I'd like a break for a one-off, I would prefer to give her a break.  If it happens again, I would likely want to address it with her first anyway. If it becomes a pattern, then I would bring it to my supervisor. But this time, I'm giving her a pass due to her own stressors and because it is unusual for her.

3.  I know exercise is an excellent way of reducing stress and depression.  This is something I have to work harder at doing; but it's really hard to get up the will to do much after work when by 4:00 pm I feel so tired I sometimes feel dizzy, and by 7 pm I'm counting the minutes till it's late enough to walk the dog and go to bed.  I'm trying to work in 10 minutes of movement every hour during the work day to address this, and it does help when I do it.  If the Saxenda weight-loss program doesn't address this level of exhaustion, my doctor will send me to a rheumatologist (sp?), since all other fatigue investigations have been done and in all other respects, I'm the most healthy sick person known to medical science.

4.  Being sick from stress/prone to depression seems so weak to me, even though I know it's like having diabetes - it's the way I'm made, and no amount of personal willpower will make it different.

Thanks again, everybody.  You've helped more than you know.
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Offline eyeball

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1242 on: September 18, 2020, 08:32:06 pm »
And again, I know that the person involved is having a very tough time with her mother's illness, lack of personal contact with her due to Covid, and her concern over her father's mental health as a result of all of this.  So, just as I'd like a break for a one-off, I would prefer to give her a break.  If it happens again, I would likely want to address it with her first anyway. If it becomes a pattern, then I would bring it to my supervisor. But this time, I'm giving her a pass due to her own stressors and because it is unusual for her.
Your willingness to put yourself in her shoes is the surest indication you're dealing with this correctly.  Good luck and keep it up.

Offline Gorgeous Graham

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1243 on: September 18, 2020, 11:20:05 pm »
2.  Bullying - we have strong anti-bullying culture in our office, we do not have a 'human resources' and if it became a serious issue, it would probably end up with the union.  My first steps would be to report it to my supervisor.  Because it's out of character for the person involved to do this, I don't want to escalate it to my supervisor. It also happened over email, no yelling involved, so that also is a factor.  But yes, it hurt.  The implication that I make so many mistakes and that this was just another in a long line of mistakes was just particularly devastating.  What I did do was check in with the manager of my department to get feedback about my own work, and she tells me there are no issues, and that in fact she's noticed a definite improvement over the last while, since I've begun getting effective feedback regarding errors.  That has helped.  And again, I know that the person involved is having a very tough time with her mother's illness, lack of personal contact with her due to Covid, and her concern over her father's mental health as a result of all of this.  So, just as I'd like a break for a one-off, I would prefer to give her a break.  If it happens again, I would likely want to address it with her first anyway. If it becomes a pattern, then I would bring it to my supervisor. But this time, I'm giving her a pass due to her own stressors and because it is unusual for her.

I totally agree with this, you're dealing that situation perfectly i think.

Quote
3.  I know exercise is an excellent way of reducing stress and depression.  This is something I have to work harder at doing; but it's really hard to get up the will to do much after work when by 4:00 pm I feel so tired I sometimes feel dizzy, and by 7 pm I'm counting the minutes till it's late enough to walk the dog and go to bed.  I'm trying to work in 10 minutes of movement every hour during the work day to address this, and it does help when I do it.  If the Saxenda weight-loss program doesn't address this level of exhaustion, my doctor will send me to a rheumatologist (sp?), since all other fatigue investigations have been done and in all other respects, I'm the most healthy sick person known to medical science.

4.  Being sick from stress/prone to depression seems so weak to me, even though I know it's like having diabetes - it's the way I'm made, and no amount of personal willpower will make it different.

Stress takes a surprising toll on the body physically, it just wears you out after a while.  It sounds like your fatigue issues may be from the stress.   Hopefully you'll get set up with that therapist soon.  Glad you're feeling a bit better.!
I can tell how good of a person you are by how you treat the people you disagree with.

Offline MH

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Re: Personal Stuff
« Reply #1244 on: September 19, 2020, 06:47:29 am »
How long should you suffer in a job you no longer like ?

My past limit has been 6 months - but I need to know if I also need to wait for the end of Covid.  ( Trump tells me it will disappear. )