Nice channeling of August here.... 
I saw August's comments regarding Dunkirk at the other board, and I feel that he's beyond parody now. All that was missing was a few of his trademark ticks, like "14 year olds in Hong Kong" or "IMO, audiences will not be fooled." As with Stephen Colbert attempting to parody Alex Jones, I don't think there's anything I could write that would match the absurdity of August's own comments.
I am not exactly sure why I felt The Emoji Movie deserved a thread of its very own. I guess partly I thought the "The Emoji Movie is 💩" review and the youtube review were funny enough that people would enjoy them. The backstory on the youtube review is that the guy has apparently been breathlessly hyping the movie for months on his popular youtube channel, to the extent that the movie studio rewarded him with a trip to the premiere.
Also, it might be one of the worst-reviewed movies of all time. That's pretty noteworthy!
But then I thought "maybe that's a little harsh." The movie is obviously not intended to be thought-provoking for grown-ups. It's aimed at entertaining children. Maybe children like it. There's a place for mindless entertainment for kids. Maybe instead of judging the movie on the merits of whether adults think it's smart or funny, maybe it should be judged on the basis of whether 6 year olds enjoy it.
But then I gathered that it's actually marketing apps like Spotify, Instagram, Just Dance, Candy Crush, and others. It's like all those cartoons that were on Saturday morning TV to promote toys.
So then I was thinking, ok, the Lego Movie was also kind of product-placement run amok, and it managed to be well-liked by critics and audiences. People thought it was exciting and inventive. Lots of other movies have marketed video games or lines of toys and had various degrees of artistic success.
(sidebar: I am a fully functional adult, and I own an almost-complete set of Monsters Vs Aliens action figures, including Susan, Insectosaurus, B.O.B, and Dr Cockroach. Insectosaurus is my favorite, because she roars when she gets bumped or shaken. My kitty used to bump against up against Insectosaurus and then startle when she bellowed at him. Insectosaurus is also the cutest. I feel that movies that launch a line of action figures are different from movies that are based on products that exist prior to the movie. It is understandable that people would want to have an R2D2 or an Insectosaurus or a Daenarys Targaryen bobblehead as a celebration of the delight these characters brought them. Whereas setting out to create a movie as a marketing tool for Legos or Spotify or Just Dance seems rather more cynical to me.)
Anyway, given that other movies invented to market products to children have had at least some degree of artistic achievement, how did The Emoji Movie fall so far short? The reviews seem to indicate that the movie is so bad that it's difficult to believe that there were adults involved in creating it. I have seen a number of things that were so bad I was astounded that they were created by adults. (more than one of them were based on books by Stephanie Meyer.) That in itself is fascinating to me. How does something reach this stage without somebody realizing that it's astoundingly bad?
I find bad art to be fascinating in its own right. I once remember reading about a conference where a TV network was introducing their new fall lineup to the critics, and one of the shows was a sit-com based on Emeril, the TV chef. They showed a pilot to the critics, who afterwards were completely speechless. Finally, after some awkward silence, one of them spoke up and asked "So... how does a show like this get made? Can you just sort of walk us through who came up with the idea, why the network management decided to go ahead, who approved this pilot, things like that?" They were in disbelief that the network was going ahead with it. I've seen several movies and programs where I had the same reaction. "This made it all the way to the movie theatres?"
But then I remembered that The Emoji Movie is made by Sony Pictures, and thought back to some of the hilarious leaked emails that shed some light on the subject of how completely out of touch these geniuses are. And it's not just Sony. I remember reading Guillermo del Toro talking about his frustrations in dealing with the studio while he was trying to make the Hellboy movie. They wanted Hellboy to have a zany canine sidekick named Helldog, and they wanted him to drive a Hellmobile, things like that. Stuff they could turn into action figures... stuff to make the show appeal to kids.
The Sony leaks included some guy pitching ideas to Sony chief Amy Pascal about ideas that could make their latest Spider Man movie more appealing to millennials. He suggests incorporating trends like veganism, hot yoga, "tough mudder" obstacle courses, electronic dance music, and Snap Chat into the movie.
https://www.geek.com/geek-cetera/leaked-sony-email-shows-us-how-stupid-superhero-movies-get-made-1621366/Movie executives often seem to be pretty clueless about how to relate to young audiences.
-k
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