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New TV Season
kimmy:
I enjoy escapism and science fiction and all of that sort of thing. So, even though it is one of the lowest rated things I have ever seen on Rotten Tomatoes (at a whopping 8% on the Tomato-meter!) I was kind of looking forward to Marvel's The Inhumans. After all, it does star Anson Mount and Iwan Rheon! And its high-concept, silly, fun premise somehow spoke to me. The idea of a fantastical sci-fi setting, as opposed to grim or bleak or dystopian sci-fi settings, appealed to me. I thought "I don't always agree with critics. Maybe this will be just good old campy fun like Flash Gordon or Lost In Space." Man, did I get it wrong.
Stan Lee voice: Behold...The Inhumans!
Imagine a coming of age ceremony, in a magical city on the moon. A young man and young woman are brought forward before the royal family for the moment that will define the rest of their lives. Each is sealed in a glass case and exposed to a gene-altering mist. Then both are removed. The girl, after a moment, miraculously sprouts butterfly wings and takes flight. She is adulated. There are cheers. She will join the elite of her society. The boy, on the other hand, seems unchanged. People wait, expectantly, but there is nothing. The heartbreak is apparent on his father's face. The boy's chance to escape the lowest caste is gone. He will be sent to work in the mines, just like his father.
This is the setting of The Inhumans. They are a race of human-like beings who live in the city of Attilan, on the moon! As adolescents they are exposed to a substance that activates their genetic potential. Some develop astounding abilities or startling mutations. These become the elite of their society. Others don't change at all. They are the lower cast. They work in the mines. This unjust caste system is enforced by the royal family and the "Genetic Council".
But a hero steps forward to topple this sick heirarchy! Maximus is the younger brother of the king, but he sees the injustice of the system. His own transformation was a dismal failure-- the mist rendered him genetically human, the worst possible outcome! Mocked by even his own family for his genetics, he knows that he too would have been sent to the mines were he not born into royalty. Maximus, with the help of some courageous members of the Royal Guardsmen, stages a bloodless coup, overthrows the despotic King and the rest of the royals, and frees the serfs from the mines! All hail Maximus, a futuristic Spartacus!
Wait-- Maximus isn't the hero?
Maximus is the bad-guy in this story?
Whaaaaaaa?
Okaaaayyy, apparently the heroes of this story are the King "Black Bolt", his wife Medusa, his obnoxious sister-in-law Crystal, and their assistants Gorgon and Karnak. And Crystal's 3000 pound pug "Lockjaw". Lockjaw can can teleport instantly across vast distances, and when Crystal discovers that Maximus is staging a coup, she has Lockjaw take them, one at a time, to Hawaii. Lockjaw isn't very smart so they end up scattered all over the island and have spent most of the first 3 episodes trying to reunite with each other.
So, uh, this is not specifically too good.
Anson Mount stars as "Black Bolt". He can't speak, because his voice is so powerful that even a whisper destroys everything in its path. If he talked, it would be a nuclear holocaust. So he can only communicate in sign language. Anson Mount starred as "Bohanon" in the railway-building western "Hell On Wheels". He was great as the imposing Bohanon, a man of few words. With a single "yep" or "nope" or scowl or roll of his eyes, Mount could say more than most actors can say in a whole page full of dialogue. Bohanon had at least 8 different kinds of "yep", all distinct. So I can understand why they picked him to portray the mute guy. But he just seems befuddled. He seems as confused as the audience.
Maximus is played by Iwan Rheon, best known as Ramsay Bolton from Game of Thrones. I think it's quite damning to the writers that they somehow made Ramsay Bolton the only sympathetic character in the whole show, especially when he's supposed to be the villain here.
The show is pretty bad on almost every level... the execution is terrible. The protagonists are currently stumbling around Hawaii like a bunch of mentally handicapped tourists who got separated from their care-aide. Is this supposed to be comedy? I honestly have no idea what they were going for here.
They've made me hate the characters I'm supposed to be cheering for, and cheer for the characters I'm supposed to hate. It's like they just want us to cheer for the royals because they told us to. It's like watching a WWII movie and being told that you're supposed to cheer for the Germans. Whaaa? I'm supposed to be cheering for Black Bolt to get back to his city, send the slaves back to the mines, and restore their **** up caste system? No way! I want to see Maximus go Full Bolton on these motherfuckers. Especially Crystal, the racist ****.
The Inhumans is written and produced by Scott "The name's Scott Buck, and my movies suck" Buck. Fans hate everything Scott Buck has ever been involved with. He's blamed for making Dexter jump the shark after he took that over. He was at the helm of Iron Fist, which has was (before Inhumans) regarded as the worst thing Marvel has produced. Scott Buck apparently keeps getting work as a producer because he delivers product ahead of schedule and under budget. Those are great qualities. Too bad the on-screen product looks like Crystal's 3000 pound pug dropped a load.
-k
Michael Hardner:
Yeah, this sounds terrible.
But if you want to make ME watch something from this bullshit genre, make a hero who is actually evil. It would at least be funny.
How about a hero who's superpower is ability to kill babies with just a glance? Or some really odious habit, like racist remarks or smoking.
Do that.
guest18:
--- Quote from: MH on October 19, 2017, 05:36:03 am ---
K
Do that.
--- End quote ---
Didn't Deadpool already do it?
Michael Hardner:
--- Quote from: Bubbermiley on October 19, 2017, 07:47:20 am --- Didn't Deadpool already do it?
--- End quote ---
I saw Deadpool. I don't remember much about it. He was a wiseacre, and a lot of it took place in a bar. And there was a girl. And it ended in a junkyard.
I think if they had made him a super-rapist, or someone who knocked turbans off immigrants, or had super-gay-seduction powers or something I would have remembered that...
kimmy:
The villain in Jessica Jones is basically Harvey Weinstein with mind-control powers...
-k
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