Lesbian and bisexual women don't look at other women in the same way as hetro men do. They can appreciate when someone looks good but it's simply not the same. They have the same parts, after all.
okay, so this is actually a somewhat complicated subject and not something I feel like straight people from anywhere in the political spectrum really fully grasp.
For people who are same-sex attracted, locker room etiquette becomes a very anxious issue. People who are same-sex attracted are extremely anxious in situations where they might cause offense to others (and I suspect that trans people are the same, btw.) Lesbians I have talked to online have talked about walking from the shower to their locker with their eyes on the tile grouting because they were afraid that they might accidentally "out" themselves if they looked too closely at another girl's body.
For me, it was never like that, because I was more or less convinced I was heterosexual. I felt no anxiety complimenting my team-mate on how nice their trim looked or how nice their abs looked or so on because it never occurred to me that they might think I was flirting with them. I assumed every girl paid attention to these things.
After several years of sexual relations with women outside my long-term relationship with my special guy, I began to suspect that I might be "bi". And after moving away from my special guy and having 10 years of exclusively same sex relationships, I started to realize that I'm not really "bi" either.
I recall reading a couple of columns that touched me at a personal level. One was by Jo Bartosch, a well-known UK terf, who wrote that despite being in a long-term same-sex relationship and having no interest in going back to men, she is uncomfortable calling herself a lesbian because she never had to deal with the self-imposed stigma that lesbians inflict on themselves. She has no interest in being in a relationship with a man again, but she used to be and didn't hate it. She didn't like calling herself a lesbian because she felt like she would be laying claim to an experience she never had. Lesbians were people who couldn't envision a life with a male partner, and Jo had been in a long term relationship with a male partner, so that couldn't be her, could it?
The other was by Brooklyn 99 actress Stephanie Beatriz. She is bi. She is engaged to marry a man. She wrote about how she isn't defined by her last sexual relationship, or her current one, or her next one. She wrote that choosing to be in a relationship with a male partner didn't mean she had become "straight".
For me, "bi" would be a tricky label because it might suggest that I'd be open to things that I'm just not interested in right now. My partner Lindsey has been with men for most of her adult life; she laughingly calls herself a "flexitarian" and suggests that she's down for whatever. I'm not either of those things, but I think the main premise is that putting a label on experiences and feelings to claim membership in a group is a dicey affair.
-k