"I gotta be honest, I didn't know him that well when I hired him, I just had a gut feeling, you know? I mean, he wears nice suits, very nice suits. Good haircut, he has those dark aviator sunglasses, I like those a lot. Fit, good looking, high-energy guy. I like guys like that. High energy, I worked with guys like that in the '80s, we got a lot done in the '80s, we did a lot of deals. Good looking wife, looks a bit like Ivanka, very attractive. So I figured he'd be a good fit. Then he comes in and takes charge. Gets rid of Spicer, gets rid of Rince, I like that, very take charge, very high energy, lots of action. And he did the interview with the New Yorker, talked about a lot of things, very candid, very good words, lots of good words. Very good interview. And he divorced his wife and missed the birth of his baby so that he could come be with me in Washington. That's the kind of dedication I need. That's my kind of guy. But then I heard he gave an interview where he told people I sink 3 foot putts. And I said what? What is going on? And I called him up, and I said Tony! What is going on? And he said 3 foot putts. And I said No No No No No. 3 foot putts? Are you freaking kidding me, Tony? Anybody can sink 3 foot putts, Tony. You make it sound like I'm some average schmoe at the mini-golf course. I can't have you going around saying stuff like that about me. I can't have that. Tony... you're fired."
-Trump comments on the firing of The Mooch. As I imagine it, at least. That's how it played out in my head. I'm sure the official version is a little different, but I'm sure the truth is closer to what I wrote.
-k